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by: Michael Logan
The statistics indicate that when one parent, typically the male, is abusive to
the other parent, the children are more likely to be abused as well.
What the statistics do not indicate is that even if the child is not actually
struck or harmed, simply living in a household where there is lots of fear or
tension, a household where the parents cycle through the cycle of violence for
example, is damaging to the child's attachment process and actually changes the
brain, sensitizing the child to fear. A person who has learned that he/she
cannot protect themselves (and is therefore helpless) is more likely to resort to
violence as a tool to exert some control in their lives, which can leave someone
seriously injured.
I have a number of articles in my office of young boys who have been killed or
seriously injured trying to protect their mothers, so this is a serious issue.
Lots of current research in domestic violence is indicating that a problem in
the attachment process, which happens in the first two years of life, can lead
to the inability to form secure adult relationships.
When it is the male who forms insecure attachments as an adult, which means that
when there is a perceived threat to attachment, the male floods with stress
hormones (in 1/18th) second, he will act out in the environment in an attempt to
relax. When an insecure attachment style is coupled with a shaming father, the
young man is set up for relationship insecurities down the road.
How is Attachment Formed?
Attachment is a visual process, and begins early, long before the infant is
ambulatory. Mom is the first attachment object, for the first year of life, and
then there is room in the child's brain for a second attachment, to Dad. Dad has
a very important role in the attachment process, teaching both boys and girls
how to regulate aggression in the gear shifting living room wrestling events.
(For very specific information I recommend Allan Schore's work on attachment).
Children who get this kind of play with Dad grow up with a life long sense of
safety, which is a positive brain blueprint to operate from.
Broadly speaking, attachment is the attempt of baby and mom to match each others
physical arousal levels through nonverbal communication, visual and auditory and
tactile cues.
The more successful the pair are at doing this, the more successful social
interaction happen, the more neurons mature and migrate to their appropriate
spot in the child's brain, and the better developmental processes are completed.
Attachment processed can happen as often as every three seconds if we were to
measure them linearly, so they are frequent and brief.
A life time of more tranquil relationships can result from the attention Mom and
Dad pay to this process.
Poor Attachment
Just the opposite happens with poor attachment. A child's brain requires many
thousands of brief attachments, but only one fearful episode to impact the brain
forever, and the chemistry of fear lays down the memory in the amygdala in
1/18th second, and it can get cued later, by similar visual, auditory, or
tactile or olfactory or gustatory experiences, and the now adult can be flooded
with stress hormones faster than they can do their anger management, and strike
out into the world.
If their is a history of tension between the parents, the child, who is very
aware of how things are between the care givers who keep him alive, is
sensitized to tension, and may over react because of that sensitivity, years,
even decades later, to a surprise in the environment.
So domestic violence as a form of child abuse, even if the child is not
physically touched.
Damaged: How
Domestic Violence Shapes A Child
Studies have shown that males
who batter their partners are also likely to batter their children and it is
estimated that around 3 million youngsters are exposed to violent behavior at
home every year. Children from abusive homes are also more prone to be sexually
and physically abused and are generally more neglected than those in non-abusive
dwellings.
Benefits from the Domestic Violence Classes
The goal of domestic violence classes is to make the sufferer and performer
recognize that domestic violence is an intolerable behavior. Every human has the
right to live free from abuse, intimidation and violence. The perpetrator is
100% liable for his abusive behavior.
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About the Author:
Michael S. Logan is a brain fitness
expert, counselor, a student of Chi Gong, and a licensed one on one HeartMath
provider. I enjoy the spiritual, the mythological, and psychological, and I am a
late life father to Shane, 10, and Hannah Marie, 4, whose brains are so amazing.
http://www.askmikethecounselor2.com
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