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by Wes Hopper "For a relationship to succeed, the
frequency of positive comments has
to outweigh negative remarks by
about five to one. In other words, it
takes five instances of agreement
and support to undo the harm
caused by a single criticism." - Richard Wiseman
We're fortunate that there are people
who are so curious about why people
do what they do that they spend their
whole lives studying behavior.
That way we don't have to guess, we
can just read the research!
Our quote today refers to the results
of many studies of couples in
relationships. The researchers were
looking for factors which predicted
which couples would stay together or
separate.
The research gives us a good reason
to bite our tongue when we're tempted
to say something critical.
We now know that it will cost us at
least five compliments to make up
for it!
I suspect that the research would be
valid for other kinds of relationships,
too. Business relationships, friends,
family members, especially parents
and children.
That offhand critical remark can last
for a long time. It's just not worth it.
There's an old saying that I heard as
a kid many times - "If you can't say
something nice, don't say anything
at all."
Now we have the research to prove it's
good advice.
See Also:
Communication in Marriage
Marriage counselors agree: Most, if not all, marriage problems are rooted in poor communication. We often act in our marriages as though we are soloists, singing alone and beholden to nobody. But marriage is a duet, not a solo. And the Song of Solomon shows us a real life marriage filled with the music of intimate, personal, and open communication.3 Conflict Management Techniques to Obey
The worst part about conflicts is that they appeal to our worst qualities and attributes. Conflicts sometimes seem to come out of no where, for little reason and once started they incite in ourselves anger, resentment, frustration and despair.How Do You Build Positive Relationships?
Research found out that many career failures are not caused by incompetence or lack of skills, but by the various workplace conflicts/personality clashes and/or individual differences amongst employees or with their bosses.
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