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A Guide for Four Sets of Circumstances
Celebrating and receiving the Sacrament of Reconciliation can be among the most
blessed of human experiences. Yet, there are a number of reasons why we don't
take advantage of this Sacrament or we don't celebrate it well. Fear, shame, bad
experiences of the past, a long time since the last reception of the Sacrament
or bad habits in celebrating it now are all possible reasons for struggles with
this Sacrament. The solution is so simple. A simple understanding of the
Sacrament and a small encouragement to give it a new try, with a new
expectation, can literally change our lives and will certainly renew our faith.
The Sacrament of Reconciliation is God's gift to us. In the story of the
Prodigal Son, Jesus tries to tell us that God is simply waiting for us to "come
home." In the story, the father is not only waiting, he is out by the road
longing for the wayward son to return. And when the son begins to give his
practiced speech of repentance, the father interrupts him and shouts orders to
begin the celebration. Jesus is telling us that this is how God feels about our
reconciliation. It isn't about our having to shame ourselves or face being
scolded. It is all about letting ourselves receive the merciful and healing love
and peace that only God's love can give us.
What does serious sin look like? How do I examine my conscience?
First of all, let's consider what serious sin is. According to the teaching that
many of us learned in our catechisms or religious education, there are serious
sins and less serious sins. A serious sin is call a "mortal" sin because it
mortally wounds our relationship with God. To say it another way, when we see
what a mortal sin is, it will become clear to us that it is a choice which
involves turning my back on my relationship with God, freely and deliberately.
Less serious sins, called "venial sins," involve weakness and patterns of sin in
our lives. They are sins, for sure, and involve "missing the mark" of what it
means to be a follower of Jesus, but, as we will see clearly, they don't involve
a free and deliberate choice to turn our backs completely on our relationship
with God.
For something to be a mortal sin, three things are required. All three of them
are necessary. It must be something quite seriously wrong. It must be something
I do, knowing its seriousness and knowing that it is wrong. And, it must be
something I do deliberately, that is, freely. So, for something to be a mortal
sin, I have to understand that something is serious enough to ruin my
relationship with God and freely choose to do it anyway.
When we examine our consciences, we are looking primarily for things like that.
And,we are looking for them in two areas: in what I've done and in what I've
failed to do. For example, I might never have abused my children, verbally or
physically, but I might examine my conscience and recognize that I failed in my
responsibility to raise them in the faith - the commitment I made at the time of
my marriage and at their baptisms. However, I might judge that, though it is a
serious matter, I didn't do it deliberately and intentionally. In that case, I
might examine this situation in terms of my overall selfishness or failure to
live my commitments - perhaps venial sins in the area of what I've failed to do,
but for which I can ask for forgiveness and healing so I can do this better in
the future, or receive our Lord's peace, even if I can't fix the past.
Our Sins Are Forgiven
We must never forget what happens in the Sacrament of Reconciliation. Our sins
are forgiven! They are taken away. The slate is wiped clean. We have a new
beginning - a fresh start. We receive God's mercy and are filled with God's
peace. And, once this total and complete forgiveness happens, deep and lasting
healing can happen as well.
So, it's a great idea to return to the Sacrament of Reconciliation and to
receive a fresh start and to let the grace of healing begin. Most of us are
ready to do that because we really miss communion with our God. We really don't
like division, conflict, selfishness, negativity, disorder, injustice or
dishonesty. We long for integrity and a love which nothing but this Sacrament
can offer us.
Considering Four Sets of Circumstances
Every single one of us is completely unique. All our situations bear the unique
circumstances that make up our lives. These four hypothetical examples
considered here are made up to allow us to understand four types of situations
which might prevent us from coming to the Sacrament of Reconciliation. They
don't represent any real persons or actual situations, but all of us will
recognize why circumstances like these might keep us from celebrating the
Sacrament. These examples will then help us consider how to choose to act on the
invitation to come back to the Sacrament, if our situation is even remotely
similar to these made up circumstances.
# 1: "It's been a long time and a long list of big sins are frightening me."
"I suppose my last confession was 20 or 30 years ago - the last time I had to go
with my parents, when I was in high school. I haven't gone mostly because I'm
ashamed of my past. And, when I get right down to it, I'm really embarrassed to
tell a priest I've been going to Communion all those years. I figured people
would see through me and see what a major sinner I am, if I didn't go to
Communion. I know I shouldn't have done that, but I did. I was promiscuous in
high school and college. I experimented with drugs and risked the lives of
others while driving drunk or stoned many times. I lied and created all kinds of
fictions to cover-up my activities. The worst thing I've done is when I was a
sophomore in college, I got pregnant. [or, if the person is male: the girl I was
going with got pregnant] I was so terrified that I panicked and had an abortion.
[or, if the person is a male: I was so terrified, and so was she, so I paid for
her to have an abortion]. When I was engaged, before I got married, my spouse
and I slept together the whole time and we eventually moved in together to save
money. All during that time, and after we were married, we practiced birth
control. I can't even tell you the number of times I've lied. I'm ashamed that I
stole something at work. It was stupid, but I did. I've cheated a little on
filling out my taxes for years, but I figured that everybody else does, too. I
have impure thoughts and I sometimes masturbate. And, I have all the flaws other
people do: I'm impatient and judgmental. Of course, we sometimes missed Mass on
Sunday and Holy Days and I didn't confess those. So, you can see why it is hard
for me to go to Confession and actually tell all this to a priest."
Our Lord's message to anyone remotely carrying baggage like this imaginary
person is a message full of great news. First of all, this is what the Sacrament
of Reconciliation is all about. It is an invitation to give ourselves a chance
to experience the incredible freedom of forgiveness and a new beginning. No one
is going to judge us. We won't get interrogated. We'll experience God's mercy,
as we never imagined. We don't need to hold on to all this stuff any more. And,
once this is all out of the way, and we are no longer holding on to the guilt of
it all, we can begin again to live the adult life of a follower of our Lord. So
much healing will follow the forgiveness.
# 2: "It's been a long time, but I don't think I do that much wrong."
"I suppose my last confession was eight or ten years ago. I sort of got out of
the habit. I used to confess the same small sins over and over and I just said,
'What's the use?' I don't commit big sins. I go to Mass every Sunday. I know I'm
not perfect. The people I live with and work with would be the first to tell you
that. I think I try to do good for my neighbor. I just got away from going to
Confession. I just tell the Lord I'm sorry and that's that."
The message our Lord has for this set of circumstances is an encouragement to
enjoy the benefits of the Sacrament of Reconciliation more frequently, as a
means to grow in our Lord's grace and his peace. More frequent confession will
often lead to a better examination of conscience. It may be the case that we
won't have any serious sins to confess - even when we consider what we have
failed to do. However, examining how we have fallen short in a variety of areas
will usually result in our discovering places we need forgiveness and healing.
We can ask for God's grace to shine in our hearts and to free us to love more
generously and selflessly. The results are often wonderful: we have a personal
experience of renewal that begins a new relationship with our Lord and a daily
pattern of prayer with him.
# 3: "I go frequently, but I confess the same serious things over and over
again."
"I celebrate the Sacrament at least once a month, and sometimes weekly. It's a
bit embarrassing because I keep confessing the same pattern over and over again.
[Anger and fighting with a spouse or particular person; an ongoing affair; a
pattern of pornography use with masturbation; etc.]
It is so important to keep coming to the Sacrament. We need God's grace and
mercy. Without it, our efforts to stay close to the Lord are even more
handicapped. The issue for us is to change our patterns. Some of our patterns
might be deeply embedded habits and may require a genuine commitment and the
help of others. Others may have become addictions which require therapy or a 12
step program. What starts to change our hearts is to focus on leaving the
celebration of the Sacrament with deeper and deeper gratitude. The more we thank
our Lord for his love and mercy is easier it is to resist temptation. Secondly,
it is very important to put a pattern of prayer in place in our lives so that,
throughout the day, we are saying "Loving, Father, my life is in your hands," or
"Thank you for your grace today, Lord," or "I trust you will be with me in this
challenging situation I face this afternoon." These kinds of "amendments" to our
lives will make our celebration of Sacrament lead to effective healing.
# 4: "I go frequently, but I confess the same venial sins over and over again."
"I celebrate the Sacrament at least once a month, and sometimes weekly, but I
often begin by telling Father that I have no mortal sins to confess. It is
usually just confessing my impatience and my tendency to judge others. I often
confess my pride and my envy of others who have more than I do. And more and
more I've been just confessing I can't concentrate on my prayer or when I'm at
Mass. I don't know if going to Confession is helping me any more."
The enemy of our human nature, the Evil Spirit, would love to have us just quit
trying and would love even more to separate us from the Sacrament of God's mercy
and peace. We can first of all make sure that we are examining our conscience on
what we might have failed to do. Have we been as charitable and generous as we
could have been? Have we feed the hungry, closed the naked, visited the sick or
imprisoned, in whatever ways we've heard our Lord's call to do those things?
Have we exercised our civic responsibility and formed our consciences to hear
the cry of the poor and follow the teachings of the Church regarding our role in
the world and civil society? There are many ways we came come to a renewed sense
of repentance, after years of confessing only the same things. After making sure
we have not missed some serious sin in our examination, we can celebrate the
Sacrament by being deeply grateful that our Lord has kept us from serious sin.
We can then ask his grace to help us with the deep patters, like impatience or
judging others, for example. Offering us the grace of healing can be such a help
to our being a witness to holiness and to our service of others.
Preparing, planning and celebrating
The greatest fruit in the Sacrament of Reconciliation will come if we take the
time to prepare well. It takes real prayer and grace to come to this Sacrament
well. It takes planning to say what we want to say well. This all part of the
time of grace that allows God to work in us and prepare us for a grace filled
encounter. Finally, it is so important to come to the Sacrament as a
celebration. This is an occasion for great joy and deep peace. It is a time of
sincere expectation of grace to be given to us. Whatever Penance the priest
offers us - "as a remedy for the healing desired" - we can all come forth from
the Sacrament, giving thanks and praise for this experience of power of the
Incarnation, Life, Death and Resurrection of Jesus touching my heart this day.
This was all for me and it was for this moment. When we say "Amen" to this grace
and open our hands and heart to then receive the Eucharist and say "Amen" again,
we experience the full meaning of the Communion with Jesus given to us in these
two Sacraments together.
Source: Creighton University Online Ministries
I know that I intend to have a 'firm purpose of amendment,' but I can't seem to
change and I keep coming to Confession because I want to keep going to
Communion, but I wonder if I should."-
See Also:
Prayer for Lent - Reconciliation
A reconciliation prayer for the great lent
You can find several articles of interest in the Malankara World Section on Baptism
Great Lent Home | Sermons Home | General Sermons and Essays | Articles Home | Library - Home | Baselios Church Home
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