General Weekly Features

V. General Weekly Features

Family Abuse and Rescue - Role of Extended Family

by Lauren Winner

Scripture: 2 Kings 11:1–16

But Jehosheba, the daughter of King Jehoram and sister of Ahaziah, took Joash son of Ahaziah and stole him away from among the royal princes, who were about to be murdered.
2 Kings 11:2

Until a few years ago, I was only marginally aware of this emotionally powerful story about Joash. It is, after all, stuck in the middle of the long section of 1 and 2 Kings that many of us sometimes, um, skim.

At any rate, we read here about King Ahaziah's mother, Athaliah, who had begun killing off the royal family so that she could rule as queen. Jehosheba, Ahaziah's sister, saw what was going on and rescued Ahaziah's young son Joash, hiding him and his nurse at the temple. Joash remained there for six years, finally emerging when it was time for him to be crowned as king.

What first gripped me about this story was Athaliah, a wicked matriarch of fairy-tale proportions. Can't you just see her as the Wicked Witch of the West? Once I tore myself away from that specter, I noticed how complicated her family was. On the one hand, this group of relatives was truly dysfunctional (they were, after all, related to the infamous family of King Ahab and Queen Jezebel). They were so dysfunctional that a grandmother began killing off her own grandchildren - her own descendants! - so she could grab the throne. Athaliah makes my overbearing grandmother look like a wimp.

On the other hand, the family wasn't all bad. Joash's aunt, Jehosheba, intervened to rescue the little boy and hide him till he was old enough to be king. That's a powerful illustration of how families that contain violent and destructive kooks and abusers can also contain courageous and self-sacrificing heroes.

I can relate to the story of Joash because my own aunts played such a huge role in my growing-up years. While never in danger of being killed, I sometimes felt like I didn't fit in with my parents and sister. My aunts stepped into that gap to nurture me, to explain the weird Winner family mysteries to me, and to help me feel like I belonged. Now that I'm an adult, my aunts continue to be my cherished confidants.

My own aunts - not to mention Aunt Jehosheba - remind me what a blessing extended family can be. They help me understand how important it is not to get so focused on our nuclear families that we forget our wider kith and kin. For some of us, extended families may not be biological; they may be in-laws, neighbors, friends or church family.

I certainly hope my own little family is never as destructive and broken as Joash's. But I would be fooling myself to think that my husband and I are perfect parents or that we can do the job of raising our children by ourselves. We need others to help us do that. By looking outside the walls of our own home to our relatives and church family, Griff and I will help ensure that our own bad tendencies are caught, checked and corrected by others who love us and ours.

Let's Talk

Thinking about each other's families, which people are the dysfunctional or difficult ones? Who are the heroes? How do all of these people influence our marriage?

Are we as a couple open to intervention, love, even rebuke from friends or extended family? If we have children how do we encourage relationships between them and other adults in our family whom we love and trust?

Have we ever acted as someone else's Jehosheba, stepping in to help the child of a friend or relative? What have we learned from this experience?

Source: NIV Devotions for Couples

Family Special: Lord, I Need Your Help

by Renee Swope

"In my distress I called to the LORD; I cried to my God for help."
Psalm 18:6a (NIV)

I don't know exactly when it started, I just remember feeling angry and frustrated with my husband - almost every single day - for weeks.

One evening after a pretty intense "discussion," J. J. told me that no matter what he did or how hard he tried, it was never enough. He was right. I constantly found fault in him as a husband and as a dad.

But the fact that he implied I was impossible to please ... well that sent my already-unreasonable emotions reeling. I grabbed my coat and stormed out the front door. Hot tears streaming down my cheeks, I replayed our conversation in my head.

Determined to figure out what his problem was and get Jesus to fix him, I started telling on J.J. - to God.

As I filed my complaints against my husband, I finally heard myself. All the ugliness that was in my heart. All the anger spewing out of my mouth.

That's when I realized, I need help.

I needed God to show me what was going on. To help me figure out how, after seven years of a happy marriage, had we gotten to this ugly place?

Instead of just crying, I found myself crying out to God for help.

King David was much better at this than I am. He had a habit of crying out to God for help when he was in distress. Barnes' Notes on the Bible Commentary tells us that in Psalm 18:6, "'In my distress' refers, most probably, not to any particular case, but rather indicates [David's] general habit of mind, that when he was in deep distress and danger he had uniformly called upon the Lord, and had found him ready to help."

That night, when I stopped talking and started listening, I sensed God showing me I wanted J.J. to make up for what my dad had never been as a father to me and as a husband to my mom.

Years as a child in a broken home with a broken heart had led to a significant sense of loss and deep disappointment. Yet, I never grieved the happily-ever-after I longed for, but didn't have.

Unfulfilled hopes became bitter expectations.

Trying to create my own version of "happily-ever-after," I became controlling and critical. I thought if I could get J.J. to be the husband and dad I wanted him to be maybe my broken dreams could be put back together.

But I was wrong. Instead of expecting my husband to make up for my losses, I needed to cry out to God with my hurts and call on Him for help.

Are there hurts that hold you hostage? Expectations no one could really ever meet? Been trying to fix someone or a situation? Need some help today?

I know I do, and God is there.

Waiting for us to cry out to Him. Not just once, expecting a quick answer. But like the dependence we see in King David, we need God's help on a regular basis.

As I processed what had happened in my childhood and how it affected my marriage, I learned to ask God for help through each step of my healing journey.

I asked Him to help me find the security I needed by letting Him be the father I longed for. I asked Him to help me grieve the loss of things I wanted from my dad that I would never have. I asked Him to help me forgive my father and release feelings of anger, abandonment and hurt. I asked Him to help me release my unrealistic expectations of my husband and let go of my fight for a "happily-ever-after."

It was a process that took time, prayer, and courage, but God was my very present Help who showed me how to let go of my past and my pain, so I could take hold of hope and healing.

By the way, I'm crazy about my husband now. And so very thankful for the day I finally asked the Lord for help.

Dear Lord, I cry out to You today. I need Your help in my _______________. Please show me where to start and be my Help each step of the way. In Jesus' Name, Amen.

Reflect and Respond:

Are there hurts that hold you hostage? Expectations no one could really ever meet? Been trying to fix someone or a situation?

In your distress, call to the Lord. Cry to God for help.

Power Verse:

Psalm 46:1, "God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble." (NIV)

Christian Living: Hard Spiritual Truths That Will Set Us Free

by Msgr. Charles Pope

In today's post I would like to ponder some hard spiritual truths, but ones that will set us free.

In calling them "hard truths", I mean that they are not the usual cozy bromides that many seek. They speak bluntly about the more irksome and difficult realities we face. If we come to accept them, though, they have a strange way of bringing serenity by getting us to focus us on the right things rather than spending our time chasing after false dreams.

A person can spend his whole life being resentful that life isn't perfect, forgetting all the while that we are all in exile. We are making a difficult journey to a life in which, one day, every sorrow and difficultly will be removed and death and sorrow will be no more - but not now.

There is a kind of unexpected serenity in living in the world as it is rather than resenting it for not being the way we want it to be. For now, the journey is hard and we have to be sober about our obtuse desires and destructive tendencies. That is why there is value in calling these insights "hard truths that will set us free."

In the very opening section of his Spiritual Canticle, St. John of the Cross lays out a presumed worldview that the spiritually mature ought to have attained (because he presumes it of his reader, he states it only briefly).

We who live in times not known for spiritual maturity ought to slow down for a moment and ponder these truths, which are not only poorly understood but even actively resisted by many, including some who call themselves wise and spiritually mature.

Remember, now, these are hard truths. Many wish to bypass the harder teachings of God. Thus we do well to pay special attention to St. John, a spiritual master deeply immersed in Scripture, as a remedy for the soft excesses of our times.

Let's first look at the quote from St. John and then examine his points. With the following preamble of sorts, St. John begins his Spiritual Canticle:

The soul … has grown aware of her obligations and observed that life is short (Job 14:5), the path leading to eternal life constricted (Mt. 7:14), the just one scarcely saved (1 Pet. 4:18), the things of the world vain and deceitful (Eccles. 1:2), that all comes to an end and fails like falling water (2 Sam. 14:14), and that the time is uncertain, the accounting strict, perdition very easy, and salvation very difficult. She knows on the other hand of her immense indebtedness to God for having created her solely for Himself, and that for this she owes Him the service of her whole life; and because He redeemed her solely for Himself she owes Him every response of love. She knows, too, of the thousand other benefits by which she has been obligated to God from before the time of her birth, and that a good part of her life has vanished, that she must render an account of everything - of the beginning of her life as well as the later part - unto the last penny (Mt. 5:25) when God will search Jerusalem with lighted candles (Zeph. 1:12), and that it is already late - and the day far spent (Lk. 24:29) - to remedy so much evil and harm. She feels on the other hand that God is angry and hidden because she desired to forget Him so in the midst of creatures. Touched with dread and interior sorrow of heart over so much loss and danger, renouncing all things, leaving aside all business, and not delaying a day or an hour, with desires and sighs pouring from her heart, wounded now with the love for God, she begins to call her Beloved …

Let's examine these hard but freeing spiritual insights one by one.

The soul has grown aware of her obligations and observed:

that life is short (Job 14:5)

More than in any other age, we today entertain the illusion that death can easily be postponed; it cannot. We are not guaranteed the next beat of our heart, let alone tomorrow! It is true that with advances in medical science sudden death is not as common today, but too easily this leads us to entertain the notion that we can cheat death; we cannot.

Life is short and we do not get to choose when we will die. Both my mother and sister died suddenly, swept away in an instant. They never got to say goodbye. You do not know if you will even finish reading this sentence before death summons you.

This is wisdom. It is a hard truth that gives us an important perspective. Life is short and we don't have any way of knowing how short.

What are you doing to get ready to meet God? What do you get worked up about? What are you not concerned about? Are your priorities rooted in the truth that life is short? Or are you waging bets in a foolish game in which the house (death and this world) always wins on its terms and not yours?

There is a strange serenity and freedom in realizing that life is short. We do not get as worked up about passing things and we become more invested in lasting things and in the things to come.

[that] the path leading to eternal life [is] constricted ( 7:14)

Another illusion we entertain today is that salvation is a cinch, a done deal. The heresy of our time is a belief in almost-universal salvation, which denies the consistently repeated biblical teaching that declares, Enter by the narrow gate. For the gate is wide and the way is easy that leads to destruction, and those who enter by it are many. For the gate is narrow and the way is hard that leads to life, and those who find it are few (Matt 7:13-14 inter al).

In parable after parable, warning after warning, Jesus speaks with sober admonition about the reality of Hell and the finality of judgment. No one loves you more than Jesus does, and no one warned you more about Hell and Judgment than He did.

Salvation is not easy; it is hard. Jesus said this; I did not. He did not say this because God is mean but because we are stubborn, obtuse, and prefer darkness to light. We need to sober up about our stubbornness and our tendency to prefer "other arrangements" to what God offers and teaches. In the end, God will respect our choice. The day will come when our choice for or against the Kingdom and its values will be sealed forever.

This is a hard saying, but it sets us free from the awful sin of presumption, a sin against hope. It instills in us a proper focus on the work that is necessary to root us in God. Accepting this hard truth will make you more serious about your spiritual life and aware of the need for prayer, the Sacraments, Scripture, and the Church. It will help you to have more well-ordered priorities, ones that are less obsessed with the passing and more rooted in the eternal. It will make you more evangelical and urgent to save souls. It will turn you toward Jesus and away from Belial.

[that] the just one [is] scarcely saved (1 Pet. 4:18)

This is a further truth that sets aside modern errors about an almost-universal salvation. The fuller context of the quote is this: For it is time for judgment to begin with God's household; and if it begins with us, what will the outcome be for those who do not obey the gospel of God? And, "If it is hard for the righteous to be saved, what will become of the ungodly and the sinner?" (1 Peter 4:17-18)

Despite this and many other quotes and teachings like it, we go one presuming that almost everyone will go to Heaven. We set aside God's Word in favor of human error and wishful thinking. We substitute human assurances for God's warnings. We elevate ourselves over St. Paul, who said that we should work out our salvation in fear and trembling (Phil 2:12) and spoke of disciplining himself, lest after preaching to others he himself should be lost (1 Cor 9:27). Are we really better and more enlightened than Jesus? Than Paul? Than Peter?

Salvation is hard. This is not meant to panic us, but it is meant to sober us to the need for prayer, the sacraments, Scripture, and the Church. Without these medicines we don't stand a chance; we must persevere to the end.

This hard truth sets us free from illusion and sends us running to the Lord, who alone can save us. Smug presumption roots us in the world. Godly fear and sober awareness of our stubborn and unrepentant hearts send us to Jesus, freeing us.

[that] the things of the world [are] vain and deceitful ( 1:2)

Such a freeing truth! First, that the things of this world are vain. That is to say, they are empty, passing, and vapid. We so highly value power, popularity, and worldly glories, but those are gone in a moment. Who was Miss America in 1974? Who won the Heisman Trophy in that same year? If you by chance you do know, do you really care? Does it really matter? It's empty show, glitter, fool's gold; yet we spend billions on it and watch this stuff forever.

Although we should fight for justice, for the sake of the kingdom, even here the Scriptures counsel some perspective: I have seen a wicked, ruthless man, spreading himself like a green laurel tree. But he passed away, and behold, he was no more; though I sought him, he could not be found. (Ps 37:35-36).

And how deceitful is this passing world! The main deceit of this world is to say, "I am what you exist for. I am what matters. I am what satisfies." These are lies and deceptions on all fronts. The form of this world is passing away; it cannot fulfill our infinite desires. Our hearts were made for God and only being with Him one day will satisfy us.

Yet so easily do we listen to the world's seduction and lies! Too often we want to be lied to. We prefer to chase illusions and indulge vanity and deceit.

How freeing this truth is! We learn to make use of what we need and begin to lose our obsession with vain and passing things and with our insatiable desire for more. Yes, perhaps you can survive without that granite countertop.

This is a very freeing truth if we can accept its hard reality. Becoming more free, a deeper serenity finds us.

that all comes to an end and fails like falling water (2 Sam. 14:14)

The world is passing away. It can't secure your future. The world's cruel lie that it can fulfill you is on display in every graveyard. So much for the world's empty promise: "You can have it all!" Yes, and then you die.

Meditate on death frequently. Indeed, the Church bids us to rehearse our death every night in prayer by reciting the Nunc Dimittis.

Scripture says, For here we have no lasting city, but we seek the city that is to come (Heb 13:14). Do you have your sights fixed where true joys are? Or are you like Lot's wife?

Let this truth free you to have the proper perspective. Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God (Col 3:1).

that the time is uncertain

You have plans for tomorrow? Great, so do I. The only problem is that tomorrow is not promised or certain. Neither is the next beat of your heart. This is another hard but freeing truth.

[that] the accounting [is] strict

Jesus warns, But I tell you that everyone will have to give account on the day of judgment for every empty word they have spoken (Matt 12:36). St. Paul says, He will bring to light what is hidden in darkness and will expose the motives of the heart (1 Cor 4:5). He adds, So we make it our goal to please him, whether we are at home in the body or away from it. For we must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ, so that each of us may receive what is due us for the things done while in the body, whether good or bad (2 Cor 5:9-10). James says, So speak and so act as those who are to be judged by the law of liberty. For judgment will be merciless to one who has shown no mercy (James 2:12-13). What James says is particularly chilling because so many today are without mercy.

If God judges us with the same strict justice we often dish out to others, we don't stand a chance. The accounting will be strict anyway, so don't pile on unnecessary severity and wrath toward others. This is another freeing truth that helps us take heed of the coming judgment.

[that] perdition [is] very easy

I wonder why he might have repeated this; I just wonder!

[that] salvation [is] very difficult

And look, he repeated this, too! I wonder why. Maybe repetition is the mother of studies.

[that we are often and strangely ungrateful and unmoved]

She knows on the other hand of her immense indebtedness to God for having created her solely for Himself, and that for this she owes Him the service of her whole life; and because He redeemed her solely for Himself she owes Him every response of love. She knows, too, of the thousand other benefits by which she has been obligated to God from before the time of her birth, and that a good part of her life has vanished

This is a sober truth that calls us to remember. What does it mean to remember? It means to have present in your mind and heart what the Lord has done for you so that you are grateful and different.

We live so many years and so many hours of each day in ingratitude. We get all worked up and resentful about the smallest setbacks while almost completely ignoring the incredible number of blessings we receive each day.

Our ingratitude is obnoxiously massive because of the easy manner in which we mindlessly receive and discount our numerous blessings while magnifying every suffering, setback, and trial. We spend so much of our life in the "Complaint Department." We are often stingy, never even thinking to say, "Thank you, Lord, for all your obvious and hidden blessings. Thank you, Lord, for creating, sustaining, and loving me to the end, and for inviting me to know, love, and serve you."

that she must render an account of everything - of the beginning of her life as well as the later part - unto the last penny ( 5:25) when God will search Jerusalem with lighted candles (Zeph. 1:12)

Did he repeat himself again? Now why do you suppose he does that? You don't think he considers us stubborn, do you?

[that] it is already late - and the day far spent ( 24:29) - to remedy so much evil and harm

[that the unrepentant will experience the wrath to come] She feels on the other hand that God is angry and hidden because she desired to forget Him so in the midst of creatures

The wrath of God is really in us, not in Him. His wrath is really our experience of discomfort before the holiness of God. It is like being accustomed to a dark room and suddenly being brought into the bright afternoon sunlight. We protest and claim that the light is harsh, but the light is not harsh. We are incapable of tolerating the light due to our preference for and acclimation to the darkness. In the same way, God is not "angry." He is not moody or harsh. He is God and God does not change.

St. John teaches here the hard but freeing truth that God is holy; no one is going to walk into His presence unprepared. If we prefer the world and its creatures to the Creator, we thereby prefer the darkness and cannot tolerate the light. Heaven is simply not possible for those who prefer the darkness. Thus Jesus says, And this is the judgment: the light has come into the world, and people loved the darkness rather than the light because their works were evil (John 3:19). That's right; this occurs just three verses after the famous and oft-quoted John 3:16.

While the sinful soul may "feel" that God is angry and is hiding Himself, the problem is in the sinful soul, not God.

The freedom of this hard saying comes in reminding us and urging us to get ready to meet God. God is not going to change; He can't change. So we must change, and by His grace, become the light of His holiness.

[that we need to call on the Savior] Touched with dread and interior sorrow of heart over so much loss and danger, renouncing all things, leaving aside all business, and not delaying a day or an hour, with desires and sighs pouring from her heart, wounded now with the love for God, she begins to call her Beloved.

Here is the real point of all of these hard truths: to make us love our Savior more, to learn to depend on Him and run to Him as fast as we can. Only when we know the hard truths are we really going to get serious.

After all, who is it that goes to the doctor? Is it the one who thinks he doesn't have cancer (even though he does)? Or is it the one who knows he's got it bad and that ain't good?

Sadly, the answer is not clear enough to us in modern times, times in which - even within the Church - there are so many who don't want to discuss any of the hard truths we need to lay hold of before we can really get serious.

A steady diet of "God loves you and all is well no matter what" has emptied our pews. Why? Well, who goes to the spiritual hospital if all he hears is that nothing is wrong and that his salvation is secure, almost no matter what?

The good news of the Gospel has little impact when the bad news is no longer understood. What does salvation mean if there is no sin and nothing to be saved from? Now of course the bad news should not be preached without pointing to the good news. The point is that both are needed.

St. John's hard truths are not meant to discourage. They are meant to sober us and send us running to the doctor.

Now look, you've got it bad and that ain't good. But the good news is, there's a doctor in the house. Run to Him now; He's calling you!

Source: Archdiocese of Washington Blog

Have The Right Attitude

by Wes Hopper

"What I think makes some people fail in achieving the happiness they seek, in achieving the success they look for, is their attitude. An attitude is the way we are prepared to respond or act in any situation. Attitudes make us fail or succeed - our attitude. " Ernest Holmes

We've all had the experience of dealing with a person whose attitude is defensive or confrontational. The kind of person who takes every question you ask as a personal challenge to their performance. It can be hard to get through that attitude and get a simple question answered.

At the other end of the spectrum, we have the person who is always afraid that they did something wrong and instead of answering your question, starts offering excuses. In between these two extremes we find a whole range of automatic responses that are the product of the person's self image and not your question.

We can look at our own attitudes in a variety of situations and make some surprising discoveries about ourselves. We can ask, "Why did that question make me so defensive?" or "Why did that discussion make me feel so left out?" In that way we can research our own beliefs by paying attention to our attitudes.

The more familiar we become with our own self image, the better we become at noticing our attitudes and how they change. As we do that, our emotional involvement with the attitude weakens and we can be calm and detached. We don't take things personally.

And that's good! As Holmes says in our quote, attitudes makes us fail or succeed, so we want to have the right attitude!

Source: Daily Gratitude