By Dr. James Dobson

Daniel and Debbie fell deeply in love and married eight years ago. About five years later, however, they found themselves drifting apart. Their hectic schedules and the responsibilities of raising a family had stolen the joy from their relationship. Equally disturbing was the fact that their two young children were becoming increasingly irritable and anxious.

Both parents realized that a change was needed. They committed to each other that they would go on a "date" together every Sunday, even if it was something as simple as relaxing over a cup of coffee at the mall. Gradually, those weekly dates made a difference. Daniel and Debbie began to talk, to enjoy each other again, and to spend more moments together in the Word and in prayer. At the same time, the attitude of their children improved dramatically.

Granting love and attention to your kids goes a long way toward establishing a stable atmosphere at home. But the best way to foster security in young hearts and minds is to cultivate your relationship with your spouse. When children see, close-up, your ironclad commitment to each other–as well as your unshakable faith in Jesus Christ–they'll begin to develop a sense of assurance about their own future that is likely to stay with them for the rest of their lives.

Is your marriage solid at the core? What can you do to improve it? Are you demonstrating love and respect for each other? Do your kids know how much your marriage means to you?

Father, You know how we are formed. You understand that we are weak and made of dust. For the sake of our children, Father, and for the sake of Your holy name, strengthen the bond between us as husband and wife. Amen.

About The Author:

Dr. James Dobson is the author of more than 30 books dedicated to the preservation of the family, including The New Dare to Discipline; Love for a Lifetime; Life on the Edge; Love Must Be Tough; The New Strong-Willed Child; When God Doesn't Make Sense; Bringing Up Boys; Marriage Under Fire; Bringing Up Girls; and, most recently, Head Over Heels. Dr. Dobson served as an associate clinical professor of pediatrics at the University of Southern California School of Medicine for 14 years and on the attending staff of Children's Hospital of Los Angeles for 17 years.  ...

By Dr. James Dobson

"All that is needed to grow the most vigorous weeds is a small crack in the sidewalk."
–Dr. Dobson

Question:

Would you identify some of the major "marriage killers" that are most responsible for the high divorce rate that plagues today's families?

Answer:

It would take perhaps 50 volumes to describe them all, and even then we would only scratch the surface. Any one of the following "dragons" can rip a relationship to shreds if given an opportunity to do so:

1. Overcommitment and physical exhaustion:

Beware of this condition. It is especially insidious for young couples who are trying to get started in a profession or in school. Do not try to go to college, work full-time, have a baby, manage a toddler, fix up a house, and start a business at the same time. It sounds ridiculous, but many young couples do just that and are then surprised when their marriages fall apart. Why wouldn't they? The only time they see each other is when they are worn out! Husbands and wives must reserve time for one another if they hope to keep their love alive.

2. Excessive credit and conflict over how money will be spent:

We've said it before. Pay cash for consumable items or don't buy. Don't spend more on a house or a car than you can afford, leaving too few resources for dating, short trips, baby-sitters, etc. Allocate your funds with the wisdom of Solomon.

3. Selfishness:

There are two kinds of people in the world, the givers and the takers. A marriage between two givers can be a beautiful thing. Friction is inevitable for a giver and a taker. But two takers can claw each other to pieces within a period of weeks. Selfishness will devastate marital partners in short order.

4. Unhealthy relationships with in-laws:

If either the husband or wife has not been fully emancipated from the parents, it is best not to live near them. Autonomy is difficult for some mothers and fathers to grant, and close proximity is built for trouble.

5. Unrealistic expectations:

Some couples come into marriage anticipating rose-covered cottages, walks down primrose lanes, and unmitigated joy. There is no way a marriage between two imperfect human beings can deliver on that expectation. The late counselor Jean Lush believed, and I agree, that this romantic illusion is particularly characteristic of American women, who expect more from their husbands than they are capable of providing. The consequent disappointment is an emotional minefield.

6. Space invaders:

By space invaders, I am not referring to aliens from Mars. Rather, my concern is for those who violate the "breathing room" needed by their partners, quickly suffocating them and destroying the attraction between them. Jealousy is one way the phenomenon manifests itself. Another is a poor self-concept, which leads the insecure spouse to build a cage around the other. It often suffocates the relationship. Love must be free, and it must be confident.

7. Sexual frustration and its partner, the greener grass of infidelity:

It is a deadly combination!

8. Business collapse:

Failure in work does bad things to men especially. Their agitation over financial reverses sometimes precipitates anger within the family.

9. Business success:

It is almost as risky to succeed wildly as it is to fail miserably in business. King Solomon wrote: "Give me neither poverty nor riches, but give me only my daily bread" (Proverbs 30:8). Edward Fitzgerald said it another way: "One of the saddest pages kept by the recording angel is the record of souls that have been damned by success." It's true.

10. Alcohol and substance abuse:

These are notorious killers, not only of marriages, but of the people who indulge excessively. Research indicates that 40 percent of all Americans and Canadians are close family members of an alcoholic.

11. Pornography, gambling, and other addictions:

It should be obvious to everyone that the human personality is flawed. It has a tendency to get hooked on destructive behaviors, especially early in life. During an introductory stage, people think they can tamper with various enticements, such as pornography, gambling, hard drugs, etc., without being hurt. Indeed, many do walk away unaffected. For some, however, there are a weakness and a vulnerability that are unknown until too late. Such people then become addicted to something that tears at the fabric of the family. This warning may seem foolish and even prudish to my readers, but I've made a 20-year study of those who wreck their lives. Their problems often begin in experimentation with a known vice and ultimately end in death... or the death of a marriage.

These are a few of the common marriage killers. But in truth, the list is virtually limitless. If you are going to beat the odds and maintain an intimate, long-term marriage, you must take the task seriously. The natural order of things will carry you away from one another, not bring you together.

About The Author:

Dr. James Dobson is the Founder and President of Family Talk, a nonprofit organization that produces his radio program, "Dr. James Dobson's Family Talk." He is the author of more than 30 books dedicated to the preservation of the family ...

1. Man, who was owner of a 12000 crores Empire, Raymond is now living in a rented room on hand to mouth basis because his Son has showed him the Exit door.

2. Billionaire Woman died in her posh Flat in Mumbai. Her body became a skeleton in one year. Her millionaire Son did not even bothered to know about her in the last 1 year.

3. An IAS level officer committed suicide because he was unable to cope up with the stress with his family issues.

Whatever you have in your life TODAY, please be happy with that.

Michael Schumacher, one of the greatest drivers of Formula 1, is forgotten and fighting for his life after a ski accident in 2013 when he sustained severe head injuries. He weighs a mere 40 lbs today and is fighting for his life daily.

To think... he won 91 GP and was 7 (seven) times world champion.

The speed was in his soul but on a day of relaxation in a ski resort, fate intervened and his life changed forever!

To-date, his medical bills are around 14 million Euros. His wife had to sell his properties to pay the medical expenses.

His tragedy could be a lesson in life for all of us.

There is nothing permanent in this short sojourn on earth. Why bicker about race and religion when we all end up as skulls and skeletons without a difference!

• You need money to survive but you need not be consumed by it.
• Do not be unkind to yourself by saying you will enjoy tomorrow as tomorrow may never come.
• Do not give excuses to have a good time with family and friends. For, in the end, only they matter.
• All we have today is today's time. Let's do good & learn to live a contented life!

Have no grudges with any body.
We just have today.

by Brian Hedges

What you believe makes a big difference in your Christian life. Even if the categories of formal theology seem remote and unfamiliar, you have a theology. Everything you think about God, Jesus, law, sin, salvation, holiness, the Spirit, the church, human nature, life, death, and eternity is theological. We are all theologians. The real question is whether or not our theologies are true to Scripture.

One of the most important areas of theology is sanctification: the doctrine that concerns our consecration to God, the restoration and renewal of God's image within us, and our practical progress in holiness. I've seen a number of common errors that Christians make in this area. In fact, here are seven errors to avoid in following Christ.

1. Looking to your sanctification for your justification

Justification and sanctification are related, but not to be confused. Justification concerns our legal status before God. Scripture teaches that we are justified by grace alone, through faith alone, in Christ alone. If you believe in Jesus, your sins are pardoned and God already accepts you as righteous – even though you still struggle with sin.

And to the one who does not work but believes in him who justifies the ungodly, his faith is counted as righteousness… (Rom. 4:5)

God justifies the ungodly! Full forgiveness is freely given through faith in Jesus crucified and risen alone. The verdict is in: "not guilty."

There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. (Rom. 8:1)

Who shall bring any charge against God's elect? It is God who justifies. Who is to condemn? Christ Jesus is the one who died—more than that, who was raised—who is at the right hand of God, who indeed is interceding for us. (Rom. 8:33-34)

Don't measure your acceptance with God by your progress in holiness or apparent lack thereof. Sanctification depends on justification, not the other way around.

2. Adding rules to Scripture

Make no mistake: there are commands in Scripture and we must obey them. Even Christians, who are freed the law (Acts 13:39; Rom. 7:4; 8:2; Gal. 5:1-13), are commanded to walk in love, work out their own salvation, bring holiness to completion in the fear of God, and more (Eph. 5:2; Philip. 2:12; 2 Cor. 7:1). While obeying God's commands does not justify us, obedience is an essential part of sanctification.

But sometimes people require more than God requires. When Paul warned of those who would forbid marriage and require abstinence from certain foods, he said it was demonic (1 Tim. 4:1-3). That's pretty strong language! But it underscores the absolute sufficiency of God's word for training us in righteousness (2 Tim. 3:16).

If the Bible doesn't forbid it or require it, neither should you. Doing so won't help you or others become holy. It will only undermine confidence in Scripture. Beware of adding rules to the Bible.

3. Focusing on behavior to the neglect of the heart

Behavior is important. But our words and deeds always flow from the heart.

For no good tree bears bad fruit, nor again does a bad tree bear good fruit, for each tree is known by its own fruit. For figs are not gathered from thornbushes, nor are grapes picked from a bramble bush. The good person out of the good treasure of his heart produces good, and the evil person out of his evil treasure produces evil, for out of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaks. (Luke 6:43-45)

If you want to change the fruit, you have to change the root. This doesn't mean we either can or should neglect behavioral issues until we feel different. You should do what God says, even when you don't feel like it. But if you don't go after the underlying motives, passions, and desires that drive your sinful behavior, your efforts to change will be short lived and superficial.

And those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. (Gal. 5:24)

4. Thinking you can go it alone

One of the most overlooked facts about the New Testament letters is that almost all of them were written to churches. Even Paul's letters to Timothy and Titus were written with a church context in mind. This means that most of the exhortations and commands given in these letters are given to churches, not individuals.

It was John Wesley who said, "The Bible knows nothing of solitary religion." But when it comes to holiness, too many of us try to go it alone. It won't work. You need the church. You need the church because you need the means of grace: the preached word, prayer, and the sacraments. And you need the church because you need other people. Even the Lone Ranger needed Tonto. Holy living is a community project.

5. Neglecting the ministry of the Holy Spirit

Sanctification is part of the Spirit's ministry (1 Pet. 1:2; 2 Thess. 2:13). The Spirit is the one who fills us (Eph. 5:18), strengthens us (Eph. 3:16), and reproduces the character of Christ in us (Gal. 5:22-23). And while the Spirit indwells the heart of every believer (Rom. 8:9), we are responsible to "keep in step with the Spirit" (Gal. 5:25) and to put sin to death in his strength (Rom. 8:13).

Neglecting the Spirit's ministry is a sure recipe for stunted spiritual growth. We therefore need to cultivate continuous, conscious dependence on the Spirit. And Paul's writings indicate that the primary ways we do this are through the word and prayer (study, for example, the parallels between Colossians 3:16 and Ephesians 5:18-20, and Paul's many references to the Spirit in his prayers).

6. Failing to put effort into the pursuit of holiness

Sometimes an emphasis on the Spirit has led believers to spiritual passivity – the old "let go and let God" approach. But the biblical path leads in the opposite direction: the greater our dependence on the Spirit, the more active we become. Dependence on the Spirit is fully compatible with fighting the good fight of faith (1 Tim. 6:12) and running the race set before us (Heb 12:1). Effort is an essential ingredient in spiritual growth (2 Pet. 1:5-10).

7. Forgetting the reality of your union with Christ

But we must never forget the reality of the new identity we already have through union with Christ. In fact, in Paul's fullest teaching on the Christian life, this is always how he starts. We see this pattern in Romans 6 where he argues that continuing to live in sin is deeply incongruous for those who are already dead to sin through their faith union in the death of Christ. This is also the focus of Colossians 3, where all Paul's commands (imperatives) rest on the realities (indicatives) that we are already dead, raised, and hidden with Christ. Or consider Ephesians 4:17-32, where Paul admonishes us to holy living, because we've already put off the old man and put on the new, in learning Christ. As Paul says in another familiar verse:

I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me. (Gal. 2:20)

About The Author:

Brian G. Hedges is the author of several books including Active Spirituality: Grace and Effort in the Christian Life and Hit List: Taking Aim at the Seven Deadly Sins. Brian and his wife Holly have four children and live in South Bend, Indiana...

If Dr. Seuss had ended up on Wall Street instead of Mulberry Street, perhaps his book titles may have sounded something like this: Great Day for the Dow! Horton Hears a Hedge and a High Index; Green Backs and Pork. The growth of investment companies and of commercialism demonstrates the continuing deification of the almighty dollar.

We all know that money can't buy love, happiness or redemption. So why does the book of Proverbs imply that wealth, honor and life will come to those who are humble and fear the Lord? There are Christians who are not wealthy by any stretch of the imagination, just as there are wealthy Christians who don't seem humble. Just what is the principle behind this proverb?

First, God's definition of "wealth" isn't the same as the world's definition. King Solomon's riches were legendary; his yearly income amounted to 25 tons of gold, not counting outside revenues from merchants and traders (see 1 Kings 10:14–15). In terms of finance, King Solomon was clearly qualified to write about wealth and prosperity. But the king soon discovered that God's inheritance isn't about quarterly dividends, accelerated land accumulation or a vast collection of chariots and horses. Rather, it is about the heart. In God's eyes, spiritual riches are acquired by being rich toward him—by exhibiting a humble reverence for his awesome holiness. Spiritual wealth is laced with integrity, bejeweled by honor and polished for eternity. Spiritual riches will pay dividends in prudence, humility, honor, discipline, generosity, purity and graciousness.

This proverb is not a guide for earning wealth but a general principle for living wisely. Although this is not a guarantee that God will make us rich, spiritual riches can help reap financial stability (see Proverbs 21:20). Prudence will teach us to save for a rainy day rather than spend heedlessly. Disciplined giving can benefit us financially as well as spiritually. God delights in giving to the giver. Jesus said, "Give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap" (Luke 6:38). But more important than financial wealth is the richness of living a godly life. We may not live on Wall Street, but we can make investments every day that will yield the benefits of humility, the fear of the Lord, honor and eternal life.

Reflection

How do you define wealth? How does God?
What, in your own life, does it look like to "fear God"?
How do you invest the riches you've been given by God (your money, time, talents, etc.)?

Proverbs 22:4
Humility is the fear of the LORD; its wages are riches and honor and life.

Related Readings

Psalm 37:1–6; Proverbs 3:1–10; Mark 12:43–44; 1 Timothy 6:17–19