The 10-Day Communication Challenge is a series of short devotionals to help husbands and wives become more effective in how they communicate with each other. It is a 10 part series.

Day 1, featured in MWJ Issue 437, covered 'Differing Assumptions'.
Day 2, featured in MWJ Issue 438, covered 'The Line of Respect'.
Day 3, featured in MWJ Issue 439, covered 'After the Fight'.
Day 4, featured in MWJ Issue 440, covered 'I Choose to Forgive'.
Day 5, featured in MWJ Issue 441, covered 'A Wife's Countenance'.

In this issue, we will cover Day 6 of the series. There is also a bonus article related to the topic.

Day 7 of the series will be covered next week.

The male ego is surprisingly fragile, especially during times of failure and embarrassment. It's one of the reasons why a husband desperately needs his wife's support and respect.

Jane Hill clearly understood this aspect of a wife's role. Over Jane's objections, E. V. once invested his family's scarce resources in the purchase of a service station. Jane opposed the decision because she knew that her husband lacked the time and expertise to oversee his investment. She was right; the station went broke. When E. V. called to say he'd lost the station, Jane could have said, "I told you so" and crushed his spirit. He could have been humiliated in that moment of vulnerability. Instead, she said, "If you smoked and drank, you would have lost as much as you lost in the service station. So it's six in one hand and a half-dozen in the other. Let's forget it."

A wife can "make" or "break" a man. If she believes in her husband and has confidence in his leadership, he typically gains the confidence he needs to take risks and use his assets wisely. But if she is competitive, critical, and disrespectful of her husband, she becomes a liability to the entire family. Read Ephesians 5:33 again. One of the most important keys to a successful marriage is found in a single word: respect!

Just Between Us...

• (Wife asks) Do you feel that I believe in you?

• (Wife asks) What do you think is the biggest setback or failure you've experienced? Did I show support at that time?

• (Wife asks) How can I better show respect to you?

• BONUS: How to Change Your Man

A Prayer for Wives:

Heavenly Father, forgive me for the times I have not shown my husband respect. I want to increase his self-confidence, not diminish it. Please show me how to become that kind of godly wife. Amen.

By Julie Clinton

"He has made everything beautiful in its time."
Ecclesiastes 3:11

Tim and I had a rough start to our marriage. We didn't communicate well. Come to think of it, we didn't do much of anything well. And of course, it was all his fault.

So, I set about trying to change him. And to my disappointed surprise, nothing I did worked!

Honestly, we were pretty hateful at times in the way we spoke to each other. Much of it was due to our youth and immaturity. Some of it was due to our circumstances. We were both going to school full-time and working. We didn't spend much time together, and the time we did spend was focused on our differences, heightening the conflict. And we weren't communicating what we needed from each other.

At one point, we actually separated. Tim was in the Army Reserves and left town to fulfill a training commitment. We put our things in storage, and I went home to Montana. When I look back, I realize that could have been the end of our marriage. I'm so grateful it wasn't.

After training, Tim called my dad and said he'd do whatever it took to make our marriage work. I know that must have been difficult for him to do. He drove 36 hours non-stop from Virginia to Montana to get me. Driving through South Dakota he remembers being so tired he literally drove with his head hanging out the window. When he arrived, we decided together that divorce was not an option for us—and never would be.

I, too, made an important decision. Despite my controlling, perfectionistic tendencies, I decided that changing Tim wasn't my job. It was his job and God's job. My job was to work on changing myself. The truth is the only person you can change is you. Jesus spoke boldly about this:

Don't pick on people, jump on their failures, criticize their faults— unless, of course, you want the same treatment. That critical spirit has a way of boomeranging. It's easy to see a smudge on your neighbor's face and be oblivious to the ugly sneer on your own. Do you have the nerve to say, "Let me wash your face for you," when your own face is distorted by contempt? It's this whole traveling road-show mentality all over again, playing a holier-than-thou part instead of just living your part. Wipe that ugly sneer off your own face, and you might be fit to offer a washcloth to your neighbor. (Matthew 7:3-5, MSG).

A physical law says "for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction." The same is true for human behavior. The way you approach people triggers certain kinds of reactions from them. Satisfying relationships between people require a willingness to do two things. First, you must be willing to clearly and graciously explain to other people that what they are doing bothers you. Then, if they choose not to change their behavior, you must be willing to remove yourself from the situation or to change your response to the behavior. It's that simple—and that complicated. In order to change a man, you must change yourself. When you change, he'll change too.

When I stopped nagging Tim, he began to relax more around me. When I stopped getting in his face, he began to listen more carefully. When I stopped complaining and started complimenting instead, Tim began to blossom as a husband—but I needed to change my own behavior first.

I know you may get tired of always giving and not getting. I'm not talking about tolerating meanness, but about looking inward and asking yourself if you have developed negative patterns of your own. Have you fallen into a mundane, complacent lifestyle? Are things not getting done that used to? Do you need to be encouraged?

I want to end with the most important thing you can do to change your man: Pray for him. "And this is the confidence that we have toward Him, that if we ask anything according to His will He hears us. And if we know that He hears us in whatever we ask, we know that we have the requests that we have asked of Him" (1 John 5:14-15, ESV).

The only person who can change your man is the Holy Spirit. And we already know "He makes intercession for the saints according to the will of God" (Romans 8:26, NKJV).

So rather than beat him up because of his idiosyncrasies, pray for him. Then take encouraging steps in your own life that enhance your personality, physical health, and emotional and spiritual well-being. When you do, you may be surprised at how your personal change leads him to change.

Learning this lesson helped save my marriage.

About The Author:

Julie Clinton M.Ad., M.B.A. Is president of Extraordinary Women and host of Ewomen conferences all across America. A woman of deep faith, she cares passionately about seeing women live out their dreams by finding their freedom in Christ.

by John O'Leary

"It's perseverance that's the key. It's persevering for long enough to achieve your potential." - Lynn Davies

Last week, I shared that the common denominators of those who model resiliency and achieve success are: having a clear goal; willingness to risk everything to become more; learning from failures; and choosing to stand up and step forward.

Today, I'll share a personal example showing how it worked for me – and will absolutely work for you, too.

My junior year at St. Louis University I met my wife. It took me all of 30 seconds to realize I was head over heals for this girl.

But, it took me another year to finally build up the courage to ask her out! When I finally did -- we had hung out dozens of times, obviously grown close and I was finally confident that she would say "yes."

So, when I asked, I was anything but ready for this response, "John, you are like a brother to me."

My friends, I don't know what you've heard about Missouri, but this was her way of saying "NO!" ... and letting me know, as sweetly as she could, that she wasn't interested and it wasn't likely to change.

In my mind, I failed. But: when you know your why, you can endure any how.

So, we remained "brother and sister" for another 12 months. With all that time passing and spending so much time together I felt that surely things had shifted for her! So I asked her again.

She looked at me sweetly, and told me nothing had changed. She still loved me…like a brother.

We all fail, my friends. What's important is not what leads up to it or how you feel in the midst of it, but how you pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and continue to stand tall after it. We must "persevere long enough to achieve our potential."

Our friendship continued with casual dinners, movie nights and I even brought her to my REAL sister's wedding! We shared a wonderful friendship, even if not exactly the one I'd envisioned.

It was on one of our casual dinners that an inflection point occurred. We were at a wonderful Italian place (her favorite kind of food), sitting on the patio (my favorite place to sit).

Shortly after ordering she leaned over to me and said she had something to tell me.

She went on to say that the past six months, every time she'd spent time with me, she'd gotten butterflies in her stomach. She had fallen for me -- this was her way of asking me if I'd date her.

I was shocked. I didn't expect it and didn't know how to respond. So I told her I don't date sisters. KIDDING -- I said "Yes! Let's try this!"

Three years later, we were married. Today, we're blessed with four healthy kids, a strong marriage and great families.

I could have let fear of rejection lead me away from my friendship with Beth after she turned me down the first time (or the second time)! But in life we must risk failure and persevere in order for there to be a worthy reward.

Are there things in your life that you have allowed to pass you by because your fear of failure kept you from pursuing them? It could be a girl, like me, or a dream job, or a new adventure, or running for office. Are there areas of life that are stagnant that are in need of you recommitting to? Perhaps decisions in regards to your health, your faith, your work, your family?

Remember, once you get clear on your "why" -- your goal, your purpose in life, in your day in the activity at hand: then all you have to do is persevere long enough to achieve your potential.

The best is yet to come,

By Dr. Tim Clinton

Forget. And Move Forward.

"The past isn't your past if it is still affecting your present."

A personal past. We all have one. Sometimes it isn't glorious.

In some cases, painful pasts are consequences of our own bad choices. Self-inflicted wounds. Often however, the heartache from the past has been caused by others. Betrayal. Unfaithfulness. Deceit. Broken trust. Slander. Needle-pointed thorns that have lodged in our hearts and festered into ugly infected wounds.

It is impossible to reach and stretch for the future when we live in the pain of the past.

The book of Genesis gives us a great example of this principle. Joseph, at seventeen years-of-age, was loved by his father Jacob "more than any other of his sons…and he made him a robe of many colors" (37:3 ESV) His brothers "hated him and could not speak peacefully to him." (37:4 ESV) They then conspired against him and "sold him to the Ishmaelites for twenty shekels of silver" (37:28 ESV) who then "sold him in Egypt to Potiphar, an officer of Pharoah, captain of the guard." (37:36 ESV) Potiphar's wife then seduces Joseph, and when he rejects her advances, she falsely accuses him and "his master took him and put him into prison…" (38:20 ESV) Many years later, he interprets a dream for Pharoah and is released from prison and put "over all the land of Egypt" (41:43) At 30 years-of-age (thirteen years after his brothers sold him into slavery) Joseph is given Asenath "the daughter of Potiphera priest of On" (41:50 ESV) in marriage and fathers two sons.

What's interesting is the names he gives his sons. "Joseph called the name of the firstborn Manasseh (making to forget) 'For' he said, 'God has made me forget all of my hardship and all my father's house.' The name of the second he called Ephraim, (fruitfulness) 'For God has made me fruitful in the land of my affliction.'" (41:51-52 ESV)

Joseph determined that he would not be a prisoner of his past. All that had happened in the "prison" season of his life was neither fatal nor final.

Make a bridge over your past. Release it. Work through it. Stretch for the future and be fruitful. The Apostle Paul expresses the same conviction in Philippians 3:13-14, "…one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus." (ESV)

The beauty of a past that has been healed is expressed in The Song of Solomon, "My beloved speaks and says to me: 'Arise my love, my beautiful one, and come away, for behold the winter is past; the rain is over and gone.' The flowers appear on the earth, the time of singing has come…" (2:10-12 ESV)

Let go of the past. Press toward the future. It just could turn your life around.

Source: Hunger and Thirst Devotional by Dr. Tim Clinton

About The Author:

Tim Clinton, Ed. D., LPC, LMFT is President of American Association of Christian Counselors (AACC), the largest and most diverse Christian counseling association in the world. He is Professor of Counseling and Pastoral Care, and Executive Director of the Center for Counseling and Family Studies at Liberty University. Licensed in Virginia as both a Professional Counselor and Marriage and Family Therapist, Tim now spends a majority of his time working with Christian leaders and professional athletes. He is recognized as a world leader in faith and mental health issues and has authored over 20 books...