By Tiffany Fletcher

Sometimes things that appear completely negative can actually have a positive effect on your marriage. Just as an example, here are 10 awful things you'll never regret doing to your wife.

Challenging her

When challenging someone, generally you believe that you are the best you possibly can be at the skills required to win. These qualities will also work in your marriage, but in a slightly different way. Be the kind of husband that challenges your wife to be better than she is because she sees you striving to be your best self too. When your wife sees you striving to be a good person through the things you say and do, she will want to be a better person too. Your marriage will be strengthened as you strive for greatness together.

Teasing her

Admit it; when you were a boy, you always teased the girl you liked. Make sure that you bring that playful spirit into your marriage. One definition of teasing is to arouse desire. Make sure that you are teasing your wife in a loving way that will arouse her desire to want you, to be with you and to love you. Make her smile with your playful teasing and you will be smiling too.

Holding her captive

Holding your wife captive is one of the most important things you can do to keep your marriage together. Devote yourself to your wife and her needs in such a way that she will never have a desire to leave you or your marriage. Be attentive to her, listen to her, communicate with her. Let her know that you are, and always will be there for her when she needs you. Don't give her reason to run to someone else for her problems or her comfort. If you focus on her, it helps her to focus on you, and neither of you will want to leave because you'll both be taking care of each other.

Seducing her

Seduction isn't really talked about when it comes to man and wife, but it plays a vital role in any healthy marriage. Making love starts long before the bedroom and seduction can play an important part in how it actually plays out. If you want to seduce your wife, send her flowers, help with dinner, dance with her in the kitchen, whisper in her ear and tell her she's beautiful, wink at her, let her catch you staring. It's the little things that you do to pay attention to your wife that will make all the difference. Women are emotional creatures, and much of her desires are based on the way she feels. Make her feel like she's wanted, like she's worth a million dollars - it will lead to more intimate nights.

Smothering her

Smother your wife with your kisses and your affection. Very few marriages can survive without physical touch. Make sure you are showing your love by the gentle way you touch her, hold her and kiss her. Physical contact outside of sexual intimacy can help your wife feel you value her, and not just what she can give you. As you hold her hand, kiss her and run your fingers through her hair; she will know your love and feel close to you. As you smother her with your affection, she will naturally give her love back to you.

Ignoring her

Sometimes your wife will have a bad day and she will say things she doesn't really mean. When those days come, do your best to ignore the hurtful things she might say and try to love her anyway. It is never OK for a wife or husband to say hurtful things to one another, but we are all human and make mistakes. So if those occasions ever come in your marriage, please do your best to ignore them and stay focused on the love you feel and the words that are said when the days aren't so sullen. If you can forgive and forget, your marriage will be stronger for it.

Laughing at her

Sometimes women can take life, and themselves, a little too seriously. Help your wife to see the lighter side of things. Help her to laugh at herself and at the difficulties that may come. Humor is a great way to face the difficulties of life together. Help her feel happy and you will find happiness, too.

Harassing her

One definition of harassment is to "torment, as with troubles or cares." Make sure that you are going to your wife with your troubles, with the things that you care about, with your hopes and your desires. Make sure she is your best friend and confidant and the first person you go to for advice. She is there to help carry your burdens, even if they are difficult for her to hear. Let her be there for you, just like you are there for her, and you will always have someone to lean on.

Kidnapping her

Make sure you kidnap your wife often. Get a babysitter and take her out on dates, away from the children, where just the two of you can be together. Dating your wife is another one of those important things that help to strengthen your marriage. Life changes daily and dating helps you to get reacquainted with one another after a long week of absence. Make it a priority - you'll be glad you did.

Getting her pregnant

Getting a woman pregnant has negative connotations, but conceiving a baby out of love for one another is one of the most beautifully rewarding things you can do in your marriage. Your marriage will grow and develop in ways you never imagined as you learn to parent His children together. It's a journey that will bring both bitter and sweet, but a family will change your lives for the better.

Practice these 10 scandalous things in your marriage and you'll be surprised at how sometimes awful things can create something awfully beautiful.

by Jennifer Slattery

As parents, we long to see our children succeed. But this desire could cause us to shelter them from situations where they might fail. But what if failure actually helps our children grow qualities necessary for long term success and spiritual health? Conversely, conveying an expectation of perfection can severely stunt their growth and result in a lifetime of insecurities, withdrawal, and fear.

1. Failure, when handled correctly, encourages our children to take healthy risks.

The summer before our daughter's senior year, she wrestled with some tough class scheduling decisions. Basically, she could choose to take easier classes she knew she'd succeed in and guard her GPA. This in turn would increase her odds of receiving an academic scholarship. Or, she could select a couple of incredibly difficult classes and risk failing them.

Though the money involved concerned my husband and me, I knew her character development would have a much longer lasting impact on her future. We didn't want her to develop the habit of avoiding situations out of fear.

According to Klint Bitter, Pastor of Kids and Students at Christ Community Church in Omaha, Nebraska, our kids need to become comfortable with failure in order to fully become who God created them to be. "It's not that we want to normalize failure," he says, "but we want our kids to be familiar enough with it that it doesn't freak them out when they fail in the real world. When there's an environment in which kids are free to fail, when our spoken and unspoken responses to our kids drives home the truth that their beloved status doesn't depend on their [success], our kids are unshackled and can more freely dare to take God-honoring risks."

2. Failure provides an opportunity for kids to develop perseverance.

When our daughter was in early elementary, she participated in a science fair. She chose to experiment with limestone erosion rates, which resulted in a slow-moving project that required careful attention to detail. About a month into the experiment, she got distracted while measuring her acid solution, not realizing this until after she'd poured it over the rock.

I watched this all, and my heart broke at her crestfallen face, once she realized what she'd done. At this point, I had three choices: Continue on as if she hadn't made a mistake, but this would've drastically hindered my efforts to train integrity. I could've given her less freedom with the pouring in the first place, but this would've conveyed the message that I found her incapable. Or, I could make her start all over.

Though it was difficult, I chose the latter, and because of this, she learned mistakes can be frustrating but most can be corrected. This also helped her develop the inner grit she'd need to face future challenges.

Holly Pitman, Children's Director at St. Paul's United Methodist in Papillion, Nebraska, reminds us that failure is a part of life. "How someone responds to struggles, setbacks, and failures most likely comes from the mindset that they have been taught," she says. "If encouraged [correctly], a child can embrace the struggle, learn from setbacks, and in turn can learn to persevere."

3. Failure helps children learn to deal with self-disappointment.

Our children are guaranteed to fail, often, and each time they do, we have an opportunity to help them learn to process their failure constructively. Most of us admire CEOs, scholars, and nationally known athletes and performing artists, but we may not realize the incredible challenges and setbacks they faced along the way. With each defeat, they had a choice--wallow in negativity and allow it to derail them, or use the failure as a learning opportunity.

Pastor Bitter believes self-disappointment can be an effective growth motivator. "Extraordinary living comes in the discipline to bring excellence in our moment," he says. "Failure and the disappointment that comes from it can be turned to fuel for living well." More importantly, failure helps us gain a more Christ-centered view of ourselves. "Failure can teach us that we're not defined by the ways we disappoint ourselves and others."

4. Failure can draw our children closer to Christ.

Today's culture sends a strong message that one must be independent and self-sufficient, but God wants us to be utterly dependent on Him. Were our children to succeed in everything, they may be tempted to think they don't need God. Failure, when evaluated through a parent-led, biblical lens, show our children where their true strength comes from.

In 2 Corinthians 12:9, God said to Paul, "My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness." Recognizing this enabled Paul to value his weaknesses. In the same verse, he said, "So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me."

By conveying this to our children, we help free them to pursue opportunities without fear.

5. Failure can help our children find their identity in Christ.

In our status-driven culture, it's easy for our children to begin to believe they are only as valuable as what they accomplish. When they fail at something, this view is challenged. If addressed through honest, loving, and biblical conversation, they can learn to recognize that their identity is based not on what they do or don't do but rather who they are in Christ. The Bible teaches that we are loved not because of who we are or what we've done but rather because of who God is--a God of love. We have talents and gifts because He granted them, so that we could use them for His glory. He raises up one and humbles another, again, all for His glory. Recognizing this truth frees children to live authentically, knowing that, in Christ, they are enough.

Failure is inevitable, but it doesn't have to paralyze our children. In fact, when handled correctly, failure can be a tool that encourages our children to take healthy risks, persevere in times of struggle, and properly handle self-disappointment. More importantly, when sifted through a lens of grace, failure can help our children draw closer to Christ and find their identity in Him. Through appropriate freedom, patient instruction, and loving communication, we can help our children view failure through a biblical lens. This in turn frees them to become all Christ created them to be.

About The Author:

Jennifer Slattery writes for Christ to the World Ministries, Internet Cafe Devotions, and maintains a devotional blog at JenniferSlatteryLivesOutLoud. Her work has appeared in numerous publications and compilation projects.

By Bob Burg

"Not brute force but only persuasion and faith are the kings of this world."
– Thomas Carlyle

The 16th U.S. President Abraham Lincoln was one of the best when it came to mastering the art of positive persuasion - what I often refer to as Winning Without Intimidation. He knew how to make friends out of enemies, and keep conflict to a minimum. I believe the following story is an excellent example of the president's abilities in this regard:

"…{On one occasion}, when another official sharply criticized Lincoln's judgment, the president responded to a reporter's interrogation by saying he had great respect for the other man, and if this official had concerns about him, there must be some truth to it. Such discretion disarmed divisiveness that was intended to draw Lincoln into side-skirmishes, it won the hearts of his friends and foes and it allowed Lincoln to maintain focus on more important issues."

What Lincoln did was to utilize the tactic of "deflection." This means to softly "parry" a strong challenge or accusation, deflecting it into another direction where it is now harmless. Allow me to explain by way of a boxing analogy.

If you watch a boxing match you'll notice that when one fighter throws a jab (a straight punch, usually with the left hand) the intended target will, very coolly, simply wait until the punch almost reaches him. He'll then just parry it away with his right hand by using only a very slight flick of the wrist. The "rub" is that, the harder the punch is thrown, the less effort it takes to deflect it into a harmless result.

This is what Lincoln did, and what you can do, as well.

Use The Other Person's Force…To Your Advantage

When someone says something to you, or about you, don't fight it, battle it, or try and stop it. It won't work. In fact, it typically will have only the opposite effect of drawing you more heavily into the confrontation and providing fodder for the conflict. Instead, do what Lincoln did. Compliment the offender and leave him and his comment without power to harm you. You can do this one of two ways:

1. If you're told what someone said about you, then, like Lincoln, express your admiration for that person and suggest that, "If Pat said it, it's something I should at least look into."

This parry, or deflection, will totally disarm the person who just related Pat's words. He or she cannot argue with you, because you did not argue with them. They can't debate the point, because you've politely refused to debate. And (perhaps, most importantly), they cannot quote your "defensive" response to anyone else, including Pat, because you did not respond defensively.

Another positive consequence of this is that often your kind and complimentary words will make their way back to Pat, who will now have a newly-found respect for you and think of you (and feel about you) much more positively than before.

If something is being told to you that is meant to be offensive or disruptive, directly acknowledge to the person that he/she may just have a point and it's something you need to consider.

If that's not appropriate, simply thank the person for bringing it up. You can then decide whether or not a further response or explanation is necessary. An excellent parry, or deflection, is to simply say, "That's a good question" or "You make a valid point."

Don't Confuse This With Being A Doormat

Please understand and keep in mind: I'm not saying not to answer and/or stick up for yourself. Taking a definite position might be very necessary. What the deflection does, however, is keep it impersonal. It allows for positive detachment so that the answer can be of best service to everyone and not indicative of negative personal feelings.

Here are three practice exercises you can do over the next week to strengthen yourself in this

• Work on deflection via parrying every time you are confronted, regardless of the lightness or seriousness of the confrontation.

• Watch other people during their conflicts and observe how they handle a "left jab." Do they deflect it with a classy parry, or do they get caught up in trying to "stop" the verbal punch? How does the option they took (consciously or unconsciously) work out for them?

• Watch interviews on television and observe the dynamic. Note the ones who seem most efficient in the art of deflection, and determine to model them in future similar situations of your own.

And, the following is perhaps the most powerful of all ways to prepare:

Mentally rehearse a situation in which someone verbally attacks or criticizes you or passes along a similar remark from someone else as in the example with President Lincoln.

See yourself, in your mind's eye, responding with calmness and serenity, completely in control of your own emotions and thus, in control of the situation. Your response is a perfect parry; a smooth deflection that leaves everyone feeling good about themselves and the situation. Imagine how terrific you feel afterwards.

If you can do it in your mind, you can do it in a real-life situation. Just as an astronaut training for a mission goes through numerous simulated missions before ever actually going into space, you'll find rehearsing in your mind before the event ever takes place puts you nine steps ahead of the game…in a ten-step game.

When you become really good at doing this, you'll find it to be one of the most self-empowering (not to mention, fun!) aspects of your interpersonal communications.

And, you'll be the one that others see as a master of people skills and persuasion, and a person of powerful influence.

About the author:

Bob Burg speaks at corporate conferences and entrepreneurial events. His books (which include Endless Referrals, Adversaries Into Allies, and The Go-Giver series) have sold millions of copies.

by Sandra Abell

Josh didn't understand why he was frustrated and dissatisfied with his life. He's 38 years old, works hard and is successful in his profession. Everyone told him he was doing well and was a lucky man. However, he wasn't thrilled with his job, and wanted to be married and have a family, but hadn't yet met "the right woman".

He explained that he's always believed that he'll know the right thing to do when it comes along, so he's never actually set goals or made plans. He went to college but never did any introspection to help him decide what to major in. He chose the college he went to because his friend was going there, and majored in things that seemed interesting, but he had no career goals for when he graduated.

After college, jobs seemed to come his way. He believed these were "meant to be", so he took them. He worked hard and did well, but never felt fulfilled because he wasn't doing something that made him happy. It was the same with women --- whenever he met someone who ‘seemed nice', he'd date them for several months, but it never worked out. He still hopes the right woman will come along.

Josh's problem is that he's never taken the time to look specifically at himself, at what makes him happy, or what he needs or wants. All his life he's followed whatever came his way, with no plan or thought about if it really met his needs or where it would take him. He's been reactive by following what comes, rather than being proactive by making decisions, setting goals based on those decisions, and choosing how to move toward them.

When he called me Josh had decided that he was ready to take stock of who he is, what makes him happy, and where he wants to be next year and five years from now. However, he was unclear about how to do this.

After we talked, he began ask to ask himself several questions:

• Am I living a life that fulfills me? What does being fulfilled mean, feel and look like?

• What is fun for me? What did I love to do when I was a child?

• What makes me lose track of time?

• What makes my heart sing and fills my soul with joy?

• What is missing and how can I put more of it into my life?

• What kind of relationship do I want? What will that look and feel like?

• What do I want professionally? What are my talents and skills? Do I want to use them in my work? What do I want to avoid doing?

• What expectations are keeping me from being me?

• What fears are stopping me?

• What can I do to change this situation?

• How do I feel about money? Is this moving me forward or holding me back financially?

• What things do I need to allow myself to let go of so I can reach my goals?

• Who do I need to be in order to live the life I want?

• What is the next step to getting there?

Josh had never looked at himself from this perspective, and was surprised and pleased at what he found. From the answers to these questions he began to get a clear picture of who he is and what makes him happy. He began to make decisions, and created both personal and professional goals, which gave him a destination for which to chart his course. He then created an action plan with steps to move him towards his goals.

This was a new, exciting and uncomfortable experience for Josh. It took a lot of work for him to sort out who he is and what his needs, desires and dreams are. He needed to look at who he is, what his values, talents and skills are, and make some decisions, rather than just going with the flow.

Letting go of the "shoulds", fears and expectations that he had built his life on, and creating his own roadmap was a difficult process.

However, he became excited once he realized that he was now clear about what he wants and how to get it. He is now happily implementing his plan, taking it one step at a time with a goal in mind, and is moving towards the life that fits who he is.

I'm wondering if you might be like Josh. Just moving through life, taking whatever comes, without a plan or concept of where you're going. You may want to ask yourself how well this is working for you.

It might be something to think about.

About The Author:

by Joel Osteen

Today's Scripture

"A heart at peace gives life to the body, but envy rots the bones."
(Proverbs 14:30, NIV)

Today's Word

It's so easy to let the pressures and distractions of life pull our thoughts away from the Father. It doesn't take long before we are so focused on earthly things that we feel overwhelmed and all stressed out. But, we weren't meant to live anxious about life; we were meant to live in peace.

Did you know the best thing you can do for health is to set your heart at peace with God? Peace isn't just a feeling, it's a powerful position. Peace literally means "to set at one again." In other words, we can be settled in our minds and hearts when we are in alignment with the Word of God. It is a position of life, strength and confidence!

Today, choose to keep your heart at peace by staying focused on God the Father. Give life to your body by staying in agreement with Him. Let His peace guard your heart so that you can be equipped to live the abundant life He has promised to you!

A Prayer for Today

Heavenly Father, thank You for Your Word which is life to my soul. I praise You because You are the Prince of Peace, and You give peace to my heart and mind. I choose to stay focused on You today. Thank You for guiding my every step in Jesus' name. Amen.