By Dr. Tim Clinton

From Dr. Tim Clinton's show Life, Love & Family – he speaks with Stephen Arterburn about the things to stop and start in order to have an enjoyable marriage.

The Most Important Things to Stop in Your Marriage:

1) Focusing on Your Own Interests - so many people get married and never move into the "we" dimension of relationship. Being a couple costs your selfishness.

2) Maintaining Unrealistic Expectations - we will always want something to "fix" us. For most, the treatment of choice is for God to take anything away that we don’t want in our lives. Similarly, people choose the treatment of marriage to fix what is going on in their soul. You cannot believe that your spouse will meet all of your needs - no one is capable of doing this for you but God.

3) Trying to Change Your Spouse - nagging and criticism has never changed anyone. A person cannot change their background, their heritage, or what they’ve been through. Everyone enters marriage with some type of emotional baggage. When you accept your spouse and focus on what is good and positive about him/her, your spouse will feel free to change.

4) Being Angry and Resentful - these emotions are used to control another. If your spouse is angry, look at your own behavior to see if there’s anything you’re doing to provoke his/her anger. Take time to connect with God and His truths - which are opposite of anger and bitterness.

5) Stop focusing on things of the past. You must not let the past control your present life. Allow forgiveness and grace to bring healing into your marriage.

The Most Important Things to Start in Your Marriage:

1) Take a minimum of seven minutes each day to look together at God’s work in your lives.

2) Spend time in God's Word. (Research shows that if you engage in Scripture at least four days each week, it will change your choices, your relationship with your spouse, and lowers the risk for infidelity by 60%.)

3) Have Fun and Romance Each Other - be spontaneous. Go on dates. Make time for one another. Look for the fun and the laughter.

4) Spend Money Responsibly - arguments in marriage occur most often over money. Consider developing a budget. Think about your purchases. Don’t simply react to your compulsion to spend.

5) Express Grace and Forgiveness - regardless of what you’ve been through together, you should daily express grace, forgiveness, and affirmation to one another. Avoid criticism. Acknowledge the good in your spouse.

Applicable quotes to inspire your marriage:

• "It is not a lack of love, but a lack of friendship that makes unhappy marriages." - Fredrich Nietzche

• "Outside of infidelity, disrespect is the most destructive behavior in any marriage." - Steve Arterburn

• "Let the wife make the husband glad to come home, and let him make her sorry to see him leave." - Martin Luther

• "Chains do not hold a marriage together. It is threads, hundreds of tiny thread which sew people together throughout the years." - Simone Signoret

• "Problems aren’t really the issue in marriage; it’s what you do with those problems that makes all the difference." - Tim Clinton

Related Bible Verses:

"Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things." - 1 Corinthians 13:4-7

"He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord." - Proverbs 18:22

"Nevertheless, each individual among you also is to love his own wife even as himself, and the wife must see to it that she respects her husband." - Ephesians 5:33

"What therefore God has joined together let no man separate." - Mark 10:9

"And if one can overpower him who is alone, two can resist him. A cord of three strands is not quickly torn apart." - Ecclesiastes 4:12

"Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you." - Ephesians 4:32

"The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I came that they may have life, and have it abundantly." - John 10:10

"Let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we will reap if we do not grow weary." - Galatians 6:9

About Stephen Arterburn:

Stephen Arterburn is an award-winning author with over 8 million books in print, including the bestsellers Every Man’s Battle and Healing Is a Choice. He has also been editor of 10 Bible projects, including the Life Recovery Bible. Steve founded New Life Treatment Centers in 1988 and is currently host of the radio and television show "New Life Live."

By Eric Scalise, Ph.D.

An often quoted verse of Scripture related to marriage is, "The two shall become one" (Eph. 5:31). Unfortunately for many couples, once the marriage ceremony is over, the adventure begins when a husband and wife start arguing about, "Which one?"

Outside of an individual’s decision to follow Christ, marriage is one of the most significant relational investments anyone will ever make. With a divorce rate that has sadly increased almost every decade since 1890 in this country, the commitment to a balanced, healthy and lifelong covenant between two people is confronted by numerous challenges that often plumb the very depths of a person's character and resolve. Marriages may be blessed in heaven, but they are forged in day-to-day living here on this side of eternity.

After working with couples over the last 35 years, I have a much better understanding of both the positive and the potentially destructive elements that can be found in a marriage. However, most spouses can learn how to use a roadmap and a compass, as well as what it means to be pointed in the right direction. With the right tools, husbands and wives are better able to stay motivated and finish well—creating the gold-medal world class relationship they are hoping for. The following is a set of "ground rules" two people can use to address important issues, make mutually satisfactory decisions and successfully resolve conflict. While the focus is on married couples, the principles are applicable to relationships in general.

Rule #1 – I will communicate my expectations and not take it for granted that my spouse understands what I need or want.

This is the beginning of the process. An expectation should never be communicated as a demand, but as an expression of something that is desired or potentially needed. Every couple will have expectations in a number of important areas (finances, parenting and family life, job/career issues, social/leisure activities, extended family members, household responsibilities, physical intimacy, spiritual life, etc.). Another way to write the rule is this way: Don’t force your spouse to be a mind reader. If you have an expectation, then it is your responsibility to communicate it to your spouse and to accept the notion that this is only the starting point. Typically, the communication between a couple is only going to be as wise and effective as the information sitting in front of them that will be used to formulate their decisions.

Rule #2 – I will verify my assumptions so that I have accurate information and feedback.

An assumption is different than an expectation and has more to do with how a person interprets or attaches meaning to an action or a statement. Communication is a complex process and we usually "listen" with our eyes more than our ears. In fact, only about 7% of all communication is based on words and the meanings of those words. Nonverbal body language covers 55% and your tone of voice, the other 38%. This means that "how" you express yourself is five to eight times louder than "what" you have to say. It can be very easy to misread and misinterpret someone, thereby creating additional tension and conflict that derails the process.

Rule #3 – I will strive toward understanding my spouse's feelings and thoughts on a matter first and without criticism, before attempting to negotiate or compromise.

If Rule #1 is the beginning of the process, than Rule #3, reaching a point of decision, is an end point. People will rarely come to a place of compromise and/or accommodation if they cannot negotiate something and in its most basic form, negotiation is simply balanced talking. However, the negotiation process will stumble out of the gate if a person does not feel understood. This is why discussions escalate into arguments and shouting matches. Someone has to be willing to put their agenda on hold long enough for the other person to express him/herself and "be heard." This does not invalidate either point of view, it just works better one at a time. Having said this, I also understand that not everything is up for vote and subject to compromise. Certain values and biblical principles do not have to be discarded for the sake of cooperation. I tell couples that if it is a matter of deep moral or spiritual principle, than feel free to stand your ground. Then again, if it is a matter of personal preference, then there should be a willingness to work together to find common ground. In my experience, the majority of marital conflict is over preferences and not principles. A good axiom for a marriage is this: I accept the reality that I do not always get everything I want, when I want and how I want…and that’s really OK.

Rule #4 – I will focus on resolving the issues and not attempt to make my spouse or our relationship the problem.

It is important to keep the focus issue-centered and not attack the person or the relationship. When spouses start confessing that their marriage at its core is the actual problem, then the only out too easily becomes a separation or divorce. Defensiveness is a good indicator that a couple has gotten off track somewhere in the process and that one or both spouses are feeling blamed. Attacking the problem tears down the problem. Attacking the person tears down the person and attacking the relationship tears down the marriage.

Rule #5 – I will give myself and my spouse permission to take a "time out" from the discussion whenever it is requested or needed, as long as I give a specific timeframe when we will resume problem solving.

One of the most common problems that occurs when a spouse asks for time and/or space, is that there is no healthy closure or commitment to reengage in the process after an agreed upon timeframe. This usually results in someone only storming away angry and upset. There is much to be said about the simple principle of counting to ten because it is rarely productive when one or both people are too hurt and too emotional to listen objectively. Calling the "time in" is equally important.

Rule #6 – I will accept a neutral place and time to discuss problems that are mutually satisfactory and does not give one partner any advantage over the other.

When a person feels as though the odds are stacked against him/her, a normal response is to go into a defensive posture and look for ways to even things out. This means that problem solving ceases because the real focus has shifted away from the topic at hand and is now more on the sense of unfairness and feeling unbalanced. Children, who because of their size, lack of resources, etc., often feel disempowered and will sometimes challenge authority because of this principle. We do the same thing as adults, but are more sophisticated about how we go about it. Triangulating in family members, friends, past mistakes, etc., only serve to steer the process off course.

Rule #7 – I will take ownership of and be completely accountable for my own feelings, thoughts, attitudes and behaviors first, without blame-shifting things toward my spouse.

The crux of personal responsibility and accountability is ownership. It is always much easier and at times, desirable, to point the finger away from ourselves as a means of avoidance. This is human nature. Eve blamed the serpent and Adam blamed both Eve and God. When Jesus offered Peter the opportunity to reaffirm his love after the resurrection and then spoke with him about how he would be martyred, Peter’s response was to look over at John and ask, "What about him?" Jesus in essence said, "What’s that to you Peter? Right now, we’re talking about you, so let’s stick with that. You follow Me" (Jn.21). Undoubtedly, God also requires us to follow Him in matters pertaining to our marriage, especially when it is far easier to point at our spouse. The blame game is rarely productive.

Rule #8 – I will be responsive and not reactive when discussing issues or receiving feedback about my behavior from my spouse.

Reactiveness is the explosive knee-jerk. In times of stress and tension, our bodies are trying to tell us the emotional train is barreling down the tracks directly into our path. The ability to manage adrenaline and raw emotion often makes the difference between success and failure. Responsiveness on the other hand, is a slower, more thought out process. It anticipates problems and situations and plans accordingly.

Rule #9 – I will not attempt to control my spouse with sarcasm, rage, threats, manipulation, shame, jealousy or silence.

Excessive control is usually a survival tool the person has learned and an indication of past trauma, fear-based insecurity and/or attachment problems. The capacity and willingness of a husband and wife to mutually abandon control, not because it was it was demanded of them or taken by force, results in a true sense of intimacy. Only within the relative safety of trust and honesty, will a couple allow themselves to be vulnerable enough to submit one to the other in love.

Rule #10 – I will actively seek the forgiveness of my spouse when I am aware of any wrongdoing on my part and I will extend forgiveness when it is asked for.

In our humanity, sooner or later, we will disappoint and hurt those we profess to love. Sometimes it will be intentional, other times inadvertent. The important thing to remember is to keep a short laundry list of offenses and to not scroll them out in front of our spouse during times of conflict or disagreement. Left unattended, these kinds of emotional and spiritual wounds will become infected, spread into the fabric of any marriage and cause further damage.

Creating a win-win marriage is not impossible and it is not something reserved only for those individuals who grew up in stable and secure homes. It is available to anyone who is willing to assume the role of a servant leader. Couples who approach life in this sacrificial manner will enjoy the fruit of their labor. Having a marriage "to die for," means having a marriage "two die for."

About The Author:

Eric Scalise, Ph.D., LPC, LMFT, is the Vice President for Professional Development with the American Association of Christian Counselors. He is a Licensed Professional Counselor and a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist with over 34 years of clinical and professional experience in the mental health field. As the former Dept. Chair of Counseling Programs at Regent University, Dr. Scalise provides academic oversight as the Vice President for Academic Affairs with Light University Online.

by Debbie McDaniel

Marriage is an amazing gift from God. Yet often, the greatest gifts aren't always cherished the way they should be. Life gets busy. We get hurried and distracted. We start taking each other for granted. We argue and let resentments rise. We compare our own marriages with those around us, longing for happily ever after, instead getting stuck in hurt and regret. We begin to drift apart. And sadly, many times, we start looking for the nearest "exit."

In a society that bases many of its beliefs about marriage on reality TV love stories or the latest Hollywood news, we'd be wise to stay cautious about all it suggests. With divorce rates still around 50 percent, and statistics that say "23 percent of men and 19 percent of women have admitted to cheating on their spouse," are we sure we'd want to listen to its advice?

One thing is certain, there's a battle over marriages today, and the enemy wants nothing more than to destroy them all.

But we don't have to let him win.

God certainly has a better way, He's the One who created marriage. His words provide guidance, wisdom, strength and hope in all that we face, both now and for the future.

10 Lies the World May Tell You About Your Marriage:

1. "If you're not compatible, you may have married the wrong person."

God's truth says that marriage is a covenant relationship. Once you choose to marry, it's no longer up for debate as to whether your spouse is the "right one." Marriage makes them the right one, for it's a commitment before God. It's never to be based on shifting feelings, but a choice every day to love the spouse you've chosen to marry. In a world that often prefers to "trade in for an updated version," this truth doesn't make sense. But according to God's Word it's very clear.

"Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate." Mark 10:9

2. "The grass is greener on the other side."

The truth is, the grass is greener where it's being cared for. Where it's being watered. The lie of our culture will whisper that everyone else has it better, or we missed out somehow. It will draw us to compare and compete, but that is never God's way. He desires that we cherish and love our spouse, just as Christ cares for and loves the church. If we spend more time focusing on what we have, instead of what we think we don't have, we'd be much more grateful for the treasure of His gifts.

"Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her… and the wife must see to it that she respects her husband." Eph. 5:25, 33

3. "If you're not happy, don't stay in an unhappy situation. You deserve more."

For many of us, marriage can tend to bring our selfishness out like nothing else. We want our way. We insist on our rights. We want our spouse to make us happy, and right now! In the midst of demands, we'll never be free to truly love and serve one another. Our focus will tend to be one-sided – our side – and what we want. Yet God's goal for marriage was not just to "make us happy." The truest picture of marriage is that it symbolizes the love of Christ for us. And His desire for us all is that we be made more into the image of Himself.

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs." 1 Cor. 13:4-5

4. "Your spouse should know how to meet all your needs."

Often we marry someone who is completely different than us. It's true, many times, opposites do attract. But that doesn't have to doom us to failure. Marriage is a life-long process of growing together. We don't always get it right. We might even fail miserably. But just as we need grace and forgiveness, we need to extend it. Our spouses cannot read our minds; they may not receive and give love in the same way we do. But neither are we to expect that all of our needs be fulfilled by this one person. No one can take the place that only God holds. He's the only One who can satisfy our deepest needs for love.

"My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever." Ps. 73:26

5. "Divorce is always an easy option."

If we enter into marriage where divorce is an "option," we're already in trouble. Because times will inevitably get difficult, and someone will start looking for a fast way out. The truth is, sadly, divorce happens. But even when it does occur, it's never an "easy option." It strikes a heavy blow to all involved. God's truth reminds us that it doesn't have the final say over our lives. He is our Healer; He gives hope and purpose for the future. No matter the struggles we might be facing, we can make the renewed choice today, that as far as it depends on us, we will not give room to that option.

"For I know the plans I have for you…plans to give you hope and a future." Jer. 29:11

6. "Your kids should come first because they need you more."

This is a subtle lie of our culture that seeks to somehow make us feel like better, more attentive parents, when we cater to every need of our children. But the truth is, what our kids need more is to know that their mom and dad love each other. Our spouse should always have priority in our family. Through a committed, loving relationship, we're better equipped to parent our children – together. This is often hard to live out. Through various stages, kids' needs can seem constant, demanding, pressing. But God will give us wisdom to see what matters most in every busy season, to establish healthy boundaries, and to know when to say "yes," and when to say "no."

"Teach us to number our days that we may gain a heart of wisdom." Ps. 90:12

7. "You may have just fallen out of love."

We don't really "fall" out of love, we may have just stopped making the choice to love. We might find ourselves drifting away. The world's call to simply "follow your heart" is not what God's word teaches. Our hearts cannot always be trusted, because if we're not making wise choices to stay close to Him and to the home front, we may find ourselves not only drifting, but getting caught up in fast moving currents. Prayer and God's word over our marriage is a powerful tool to keep drawing us close together. Even if you find you're the only one praying, God hears, and He is faithful to help us.

"Three things will last forever--faith, hope, and love--and the greatest of these is love." 1 Cor. 13:13

8. "Your marriage is beyond repair. Once trust is broken, it can never be restored."

Many have walked through very difficult seasons of marriage. Some are still healing. Others have come through to the other side by the grace of God. Sometimes the marriage is saved. Sometimes it is not. But it doesn't change this truth – no matter what we face, God does redeem and restore. He is the God of miracles, it's His very nature, and if you find yourself still in the midst of a struggling marriage, cry out to Him for help. He can bring back to life what was dead. The power of God can give hope, a fresh start, the chance for a do-over, and a new beginning.

"With God all things are possible." Matt. 19:26

9. "Innocent flirting or viewing pornography won't really hurt your marriage. Your spouse will never know anyway."

There's no such thing as "innocent" flirting. At the root, it's seeking attention from and giving suggestive attention towards another person who is not your spouse. Run from it. Ask God to help you keep your eyes away from temptation. Pornography is a trap of the enemy and an open door for him to work destruction in your home. Don't let him win this battle. God's word says that He will always provide a way of escape for us, He will never allow us to be tempted beyond what we can handle. Stay close to him, honor him, meditate on what is pure, and choose respect and love for your spouse.

"Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled…" Heb. 13:4

10. "Marriage is a 50/50 relationship."

Marriage takes two people, fully committed, choosing every day, to love and cherish. 50/50 will never be enough to see you through the toughest times. It's only half effort and it seeks to compare what we're doing with the other, always needing to check to see if they're keeping up with expectations. This isn't what God intends. His plan is covenant relationship, centered in Christ, loving through Christ; that is what will carry us through both good times and bad. It will take full effort of 100/100 to have a strong relationship which will thrive over time.

"Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails…" 1 Cor. 13:7-8

Every day, we have the power to choose. May God help us to choose wisely… praying His Word, living a life of love and faithfulness, focusing on what is true.

Know that He is with you, and He fights for your marriage today.

(Note – God never intends for us to remain in a potentially dangerous or abusive relationship. If you find yourself there now, please find help and safety. May God's protection cover you and His Spirit give you peace.)

About The Author:

by Whitney Hopler

All couples fight, since conflict is inevitable in every marriage between two different human beings in a fallen world. But just because you can't avoid conflict doesn't mean that you have to let it damage your relationship.

What matters most to the quality of your marriage isn't whether you fight, but how you fight. If you learn to fight well, you and your spouse can use the conflict in your relationship to grow closer together and strengthen your marriage. Here's how you can do so, with God's help:

See each other as allies, not adversaries.

Pray for the right perspective on your spouse, so you can keep in mind each day that your spouse is your teammate in life (not your enemy). Make it a goal to use your energy to work together toward common goals as often as possible.

Distinguish the differences between a bad fight and a good fight.

The goal of a bad fight is winning the fight, but the goal of a good fight is resolving the issue. A bad fight focuses on surface issues, while a good fight focuses on underlying issues at the root of the problem you're trying to solve. In a bad fight, the emphasis is on personalities and power struggles, but a good fight emphasizes ideas and issues. Bad fights reveal confrontational and defensive attitudes, while good fights show cooperative and receptive attitudes in action. Couples in a bad fight shift blame to each other, while couples in a good fight take personal responsibility. In a bad fight, couples belittle each other and display egocentric and self-righteous behavior, but in a good fight, couples respect each other and act with empathy and understanding toward each other. A bad fight escalates tension between couples, while a good fight eases tension. While a bad fight leads to discord, stagnation, and distance in a couple's relationship, good fight produces harmony, growth, and intimacy in a marriage relationship.

Keep the benefits of good fighting in mind.

Good fights offer many benefits that can strengthen your marriage, including: authenticity that will help you trust each other more, clarity about what you each value and what issues concern you all, a fresh start for your relationship after clearing out tension and resentments, and security that fortifies your commitment to each other.

Guard against pride and develop humility.

The greatest contributing factor to bad fights is pride. So beware of pride creeping into your soul and guard yourself against it by praying daily for God's help for you to develop a humble heart, like Jesus Christ modeled during His life on Earth.

Pursue cooperation.

Aim to find win-win solutions to the problems about which you're fighting, so both of you can benefit. Whenever that's not possible, simply agree to disagree.

Pursue ownership.

Rather than blaming your spouse or your circumstances for the problems you're facing, take responsibility by admitting your own imperfections, mistakes, or neediness that have contributed the problems.

Pursue respect.

Try your best to always leave your spouse's dignity intact when you're arguing. Ask God to help you respect your spouse, whether or not you believe your spouse deserves it, because God calls you to give each other love and respect unconditionally. Keep in mind that respect will keep dangerous contempt from building up in your marriage and create an atmosphere of safety within your relationship.

Pursue empathy.

Pray for the ability to accurately see the world from your spouse's perspective so you can understand each other well and act with empathy toward each other.

Figure out what you're really fighting about.

If you focus simply on the surface issues that provoke conflicts between you, you'll waste time and energy, but if you dig deeper to discover the root issues of your conflicts, you can make progress resolving the issues that are actually at the core of your conflicts. Two fundamental issues drive most fights between couples: perceived threat and perceived neglect. You can feel threatened when you perceive your spouse as being: critical, judgmental, controlling, demanding, or attacking. You can feel threatened when you perceive your spouse as being: uncaring, uncommitted, neglectful, selfish, or disengaged. Once you identify the real root issue of each conflict, you can approach it productively.

Determine whether or not issues are truly worth fighting over.

Choose your battles carefully. Reflect on the issues that are currently causing tension in your relationship, and ask yourself honestly about each one: "How important is this issue to me?" Decide if each issue is really worth fighting through with your spouse, or if it's something that's best to just let go.

Choose the best time to fight about issues that matter.

You won't make much progress resolving issues if you fight about them at the wrong time (when either or you is hungry, tired, in pain, emotionally charged, or in a hurry), or when one of you hasn't had enough time to adequately think about the issues involved. So carefully consider whether or not you're ready to discuss the issues that concern you; if not, wait until you're able to give the discussions your best attention.

Control angry impulses.

Out-of-control anger during arguments can destroy your marriage. Realize that, no matter how angry you may feel about something, you do have the power to discipline yourself to respond constructively rather than destructively. The key is training your mind to respond wisely to situations that make you angry. Rather than just reacting, stop to calm yourself and reflect on the situation. Don't make any negative assumptions about your spouse or his or her motives; intentionally believe the best until you can gather all the information you need to accurately assess each situation.

Follow rules designed to help you manage arguments well.

Freely and regularly share your thoughts and feelings with each other rather than withholding information from each other. Rate the depth of your disagreements. When necessary, agree to disagree. Apologize when you regret hurting each other. Use the "XYZ formula" ("In situation X, when you do Y, I feel Z") to communicate clearly about issues. Avoid cruelty during your arguments; aim to be as kind as possible. Take a time-out if you need one. Try to read your spouse's mind as much as possible. Pray for your spouse.

Figure out your "fight type."

That's how your personality influences your approach to conflict. How much do you tend to express your desires? How flexible are you in meeting your spouse's desires? During arguments, is your behavior mostly competitive, collaborative, cautious, or conciliatory? Once you understand this, you can accentuate or moderate certain aspects of your personality to be more productive during conflict.

Seek healing for unresolved childhood pain that is affecting your marriage now.

No matter how good your childhood was, you're bound to have some unresolved pain from it that affects all of your current relationships. Ask God to help you identify that pain and heal you from it so you can approach marriage conflicts from as healthy a perspective as possible.

Work through common marriage issues well.

Ask God to guide you and your spouse to successfully deal with the most common marriage issues: money, sex, work, parenting, and housework. Talk openly and honestly with each other about your concerns in each of these areas regularly.

Adapted from The Good Fight: How Conflict Can Bring You Closer, copyright 2013 by Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott. Published by Worthy Publishing, Nashville, Tn. worthypublishing.com.

About The Authors:

Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott are founders of RealRelationships.com and the Center for Relationship Development at Seattle Pacific University. Their best-selling books include Love Talk, Crazy Good Sex and the award-winning Saving Your Marriage Before it Starts. Their work has been featured in the New York Times and USA Today and on CNN, Good Morning America and Oprah.

Whitney Hopler is a freelance writer and editor who has served as a Crosswalk.com contributing writer for many years.