The Rev. Dr. Francis H. Wade, in his article, 'Marriage and Divorce' explores the importance of the experience of Adam and Eve:

It is easy to think that the Adam and Eve story is about men and women since those are the characters in the tale. But the story is really about individuals and families. Its point is that life together is meant to be better than life alone, not that men are superior to women. And the better life we can have together is a gift from a loving and caring God. And what a wonderful gift it is!

Dr. Wade then looked at Divorce and why Jesus hated divorce.

Life is supposed to be better when we are together, and we try to make it so. But sometimes the gift is just more than we can handle. Marriages can get stale or toxic, angry or depressed. Relationships can dry up or lose focus, self-destruct, or break down under pressure. Things go wrong for far too many reasons for us to get into today, but when these things happen to a marriage, it is wrong no matter what happens or why. It is a violation of God's intent and of our promises to God. As Jesus says in the Gospel for today, the plan of God is for people to be together, not apart. When our marriages fail, something wrong is happening. Not the kind of wrong that necessarily assigns blame but the kind of wrong that is other than what we want--the kind of wrong that is simply not right, not good the way creation was meant to be. It is sin, but it is not unforgivable sin.

The Rev. Dr. Wiley Stephens agrees. In his article, 'A Call to a Higher Standard' he explains:

What Jesus is doing is recognizing a terrible fact; we humans can and do separate what God has united. We humans can and do fracture God's handiwork. Given all the pressures on family and marriage, Jesus was attempting to build a rampart around the home. The Good News is that God is with us; God's mercy provides the basis of marriage and living. Our marriages and lives are not ours alone, they are gifts from God.

Too many times, we who have not been through the pain and struggle of divorce are more like the Pharisees in our Gospel reading. They were not really interested in hearing what Jesus had to say, rather they were interested in trying to trip him up. When we are rigid and judgmental about divorce, it is because we have not had to face the issue in our own lives. Have you ever noticed how rigid we are on issues in which we are not involved, as opposed to those that we need to face up to in our own lives? Remember how Jesus cautioned us about not judging others? Those who are dealing with divorce in their lives are dealing with a great deal of pain. We must avoid adding to that pain. Rather than judging, let us reach out in compassion and support.

It is important for all in society to help strengthen the institution of marriage. It is important to issue a call to higher ground, to build a wall around marriage in order to help defend it against the problems of the moment. In order to strengthen marriage to face the pressures of living, the couple that has been joined together at the altar will need help to maintain that unity.

In today's Malankara World Journal we take a closer look at some of these issues from a theological perspective as well as from a sociological perspective. I hope you will read these articles carefully and recommend them to others, who can benefit from them.

by Edward F. Markquart, Seattle, WA

Scripture:

Mark 10:2-16,
Genesis 2:18-24
Ephesians 5:18-33

The Biblical text for today focuses on marriage.

The sermon for today has two halves. The first half of the sermon is learning about marriage by studying the primary Bible passages about marriage. The second half of the sermon is learning about marriage from close Christian friends.

First, the Bible and marriage.

There are three great passages about marriage in the Bible: from Genesis 2, the Old Testament lesson for today. From Mark 10, the Gospel lesson for today. From Ephesians 5, where Paul writes about the mystery of marriage.

Genesis 2:18-24. Both Jesus and the Apostle Paul go back to this passage in Genesis for their guide to an understanding of marriage. We need to start with Genesis.

In the Genesis account of marriage in Genesis 2, there are several primary words that you need to circle in your bulletin insert. Please turn to your bulletin insert of Genesis.

The first word to circle is "alone." Lord God said, 'It is not good that a man should be alone; I will make him a helper appropriate or fit for him.' The first issue mentioned in the primary Genesis text was loneliness. The purpose of marriage is being a companion, a partner, a friend, a best friend, a soul mate…in order to counter the loneliness of human isolation.

The next word to circle is the word, "helper." The Hebrew word for "helper" occurs 21 times in the Old Testament, and 17 of those 21 times refers to God. God is our helper. "God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in time of trouble." God is our helper at all times, but especially in times of trouble. God is our source of strength, our source of wisdom, our source of find the right path. Similarly, within marriage, our martial partner becomes our source of strength, our source of wisdom, our source of making the right decisions. Our marriage partner is a helper who helps us like no other. That is always true in the great marriages. Your partner is your greatest resource and strength that you have. Also, the Hebrew word for "helper" does not imply subordination. That is, God, our ever-present source for help, is not subordinated to us.

The next word to circle is the phrase "suitable for him." Write above that phrase the words "soul mate," "companion" and "partner." God wanted to find a partner for man that was made of the same stuff, the same fiber, the same qualities. In the text for today, God then created all the animals of the earth, hoping that one or some of these animals would solve the issue of loneliness. It didn't. Horses, cows, sheep. Elephants, zebras, wildebeests. Dogs, cats, parakeets. None of these animals solved the problem of loneliness. None of the animals became a companion, a partner, a soul mate.

Underline the sentence, "But for Adam, not suitable helper was found."

So God created a person from Adam's flesh, from his rib. God put Adam into a deep sleep, and from his own body, his rib, God fashioned woman. Eve was like Adam; they were both made of the same stuff, the same material; and because Adam and Eve were made of the same stuff, they could find intimacy, closeness, a connectedness, friendship and communication. You can't have a great marriage without that close, intimate, loving, honest friendship. In all the great marriages, you share with your wife and husband things that you just don't share with anybody else. You can connect with each other like no one else on earth.

Circle the word, "woman" and the word, "man." Both in the English language and in the Hebrew language, we find a play on words. You, Josh, are man. You, Michelle, are woman. In the Hebrew language, you, Josh, are "ish," and you, Michelle, are "ish-shak."

Man, wo-man. Ish, Ish-shak. You are made from each other.

Sometimes and too often, the church gets into arguments about the issues of subordination and equality e.g. wives are to be subordinate to husband; women are to be subordinate to men. In preparation for the sermon to today, I typed the words "Genesis 2:18" into my search engine on my computer and found 60,000 references to this passage on the Internet. Many of those passages use Genesis 2:18-24 to prove the subordination of women to men, of wives to husbands. But we recall that the Hebrew word for "helper" primarily refers to God and God is not subordinate to us human beings. Sometimes, in more conservative denominations, they will often use this Genesis text to prove the subordination of women, that women are to be helpers of men. In the Hebrew Old Testament, the Hebrew word for helper, ezer, is used 21 times and 17 of those 21 times are a reference to God. The Hebrew word for helper primarily refers to God and God as our helper does not mean that God is subordinate to us humans. Nor is a woman subordinate to a man, anymore than God is to humans.

Here in our church, we emphasize that Eve was not made out of a bone from Adam's head so that Eve would be above Adam. Eve was not made out of a bone from Adam's foot so that she would be below him. But Eve was made out of a rib from Adam's side, so that she would stand beside him. Likewise in my marriage today and in the marriages of all my friends and in the marriages of my greater family of brothers, sisters, aunts, uncles and adult children, all of us live in partnerships, with the man and woman being equal. In some situations the man leads; in other situations the woman leads; but our marriages are shared life All of us stand at each other's side. Not one of my aunts were subordinate to my uncles nor was my mother subordinate to my father, nor is my wife subordinate to me. We are equal partners.

But none of this stuff is important to Jesus in the New Testament. He ignores Genesis 2:18-23 and all the words and philosophical arguments about subordination and equality. Jesus begins quoting with verse 24…for this reason shall a man.

The next word to circle are the words, "man" and "wife" in the sentence, "A man shall leave his father and his mother and cling to his wife." In the Hebrew language, the word for "man" can be translated "man" or "husband." In English we have two words, "man"
and "husband" but the Hebrew language has only one word. The same is true for the word "woman" and "wife." Hebrew has only one word. In the sentence that we are studying right now, "a man" could mean "a husband" shall leave his father and mother and cling to his wife. Then "husband" and "wife" are parallel in roles.

The next issue in the Genesis text has to do with leaving your father and mother and forming a new, primary relationship of a new marriage. The Old Testament lesson from Genesis says, "A man shall leave his father and mother." Jesus, in the New Testament, says the same thing. Jesus and Genesis agree. At the heart of all good marriages at the beginning of time and at the heart of all good marriages today in our modern American culture, is leaving your father and mother. That is part of a great marriage. Genesis and Jesus both say that. Your primary loyalty is no longer to your mother and father but to your new marriage. As a man, you don't play the game of "well, the way my mother did it was…" As a woman, you don't play the game of "well, my father was a good man and my dad would have done it this way." In all the great marriages that I know, there is this deeply held value of leaving your mother and father and establishing a new home, a new marriage, a new family.

Another issue in the Genesis text has to do with the man and woman clinging or cleaving to each other. The Old Testament lesson from Genesis says, "and cling to his wife." Jesus says the same thing. Jesus and Genesis agree. Cling is an important word from the Bible. We are to cleave, cling, connect, hold, embrace, put our arms around each other, united. The two of you will learn that in marriage, we cling to each other physically and cling to each other emotionally and cling to each other personally. Clinging to each other is at the heart of all great marriages. In marriage, you cling to each other more than any other human relationship. One clings to another person so much that….

That they become one. Jesus and Genesis agree. A man and a woman become one flesh, one spirit, one emotion. The man and woman become one. Jesus repeats that statement a second time. That is what you want, Tim and Michelle. It is absolutely beautiful. It is absolutely essential. When a man and woman cling to each other so much that they become one. One physically. One emotionally. One spiritually. Husbands and wives with good marriages know what the other person is thinking and feeling, just by being in the same room. Like a tuning fork, a marriage couple is in tune with each other. They know each other so much it becomes almost scary how they anticipate which each other is feeling.

So…in Genesis, we have circled three important words: leave, united, one. That is the focus of Jesus in the New Testament.

Now, let us briefly look at the second Biblical passage about marriage. It is from Mark, chapter ten. In this passage for today, Jesus discusses divorce and marriage. When Jesus talked about marriage, he brought up the concept of divorce. The first five lines in the text for today about marriage are about divorce. Jesus introduced this new element about divorce into the conversation about marriage.

Three years ago on this Sunday when I preached on this text, I focused the whole sermon on Jesus' teachings about divorce in Mark and Matthew. If you want to hear that sermon, ask me and I will email you a copy of that sermon which is entitled, A THEOLOGY OF DIVORCE. That sermon is helpful for people facing a potential divorce. 35% of our confirmation students live in home of parents who are remarried after divorces. Many of you have been divorced and happily remarried, some of you remarried for decades.

In the text for today, this is the only place in the gospels where Jesus actually addresses marriage. Look at your Scripture insert on Mark 2, the fifth line down. Jesus repeats the theme from Genesis: for this reason a man shall leave his father and mother. Jesus repeats the theme from Genesis: a man is to cling/cleave/be joined to his wife. Jesus repeats the theme from Genesis: the two shall become one flesh. They are no longer two but one flesh. Jesus adds a second line. "So they are no longer two but one." Jesus is emphasizing this oneness. We circle three words: leave, united, one.

And then Jesus adds a line to Old Testament, Genesis teaching: "what God has joined together, let no one put asunder." What God has joined together, let no one destroy. Marriages are sacred to Jesus and they are not to be destroyed by human beings. In the Old Testament, divorces were simple, available, and accessible, especially for men. The new element in the New Testament teaching about marriage and divorce is that Jesus came out strongly against divorce. That was the topic of another sermon. Email me if you want and I will send it to you.

Now, we go to the third passage in the Bible about marriage. In Ephesians 5:31, the Apostle Paul repeats Jesus and Genesis about marriage when he says, "For this reason shall a man and woman leaven his mother and father and cling to his wife and the two shall become one." Paul then adds a new line: "this is a mystery." When a man and woman become one, this is a mystery. This is a miracle. The Latin beneath the word, mystery, is a sacrament. That is why the Roman Catholic Church and Orthodox Church (and me also) believe that marriage is a sacrament; that is, it is a profound mystery, a beautiful mystery, an unfathomable mystery which is someone fathomable. It is true. When marriages more than survive; when marriages blossom; when marriages come into full bloom, it is beautiful and beyond human understanding. Great marriages are grand miracles that are grown in the garden of God's love and compassion. When plants grow, it is always a mystery. Nobody quite understands it. And when marriages grow and ripe into beautiful loving blossoms, nobody quite understands how this happened.

So that completes our Bible study. We learn about marriage for God's Word. We learn that the Lord God in the Bible says that you as a married couple are to leave your father and mother and form a new family; that you are to cling, cleave, hold each other; so much so that you become one. When you become one, this is a beautiful mystery. And Jesus is against you getting a divorce to solve your conflicts.

That ends the first half of the sermon. Now, I would like to share some of my wisdom with you, a wisdom based on the Scriptures, a wisdom based on observations from my own marriage and most importantly, the great marriages of my friends.

I would like to share the five Cs with you. You cannot have a great marriage without these five qualities. These five qualities are taught in our confirmation program and in many other places here in our church. You need to understand these qualities in your hearts and practice these virtues in your actions.

The first C stands for chemistry. In all the great marriages among my friends and acquaintances, there is chemistry in that marriage. Electricity. Aliveness. Zippiness. There is a physical electrical energy between the two people, and when it is not there, that marriage is in trouble. Almost all marriages have this chemistry, this physical energy between the man and the woman

The second C stands for communication of inner feelings. In the old days, it seems that men and women could be happily married and not be expected to share their inner feelings and desires. But in today's American culture, people are wanting more emotional intimacy. In the great marriages today, there is a willingness to share the inner self with each other. Often, I find this is more difficult for men. In the old days, the man was the hunter or farmer. He went out and worked all day to bring in the food. In the old days, the man was not expected to share inner feelings. In my family, my grandfather used to grunt and that was called communication. Then, time passed and my father grumbled in a marbled voice. "Pass the bread," and that too passed for communication. But in today's American culture, men are making an adaptation and finding ways to share inner feelings. Some social scholars say that men and women born after 1945 have different expectations of each other than those born before 1945. There are new roles and expectations in modern American marriages. People expect to share inner feelings with each other. I believe that is what the Bible means today when men and women are asked to cling to each other.

The third C stands for character. Character is goodness. Many people have tons of personality but are short on character. Character is emotional backbone. Character is moral integrity. It is expressed in the feeling of a parent who says, "I hope that my son or daughter marries a good person, a person with character, someone who is fundamentally kind, caring and faithful. People with good character do not physically or emotionally abuse another person. Also, a person with character knows what the word, commitment, means. A French psychiatrist, Sidney Jourard, once said, "My friends and I are all on our third marriages. The primary difference is that I am on my third marriage to the same woman. Unlike my friends, I have saved the legal fees and the togetherness of our family unit." Of course, couples fall out of love. Of course, feelings change. Character is the commitment to make our marriage work and tough out the normal "ups and downs" found in all marriages.

The fourth C stands for Christ. The indwelling of Christ and his gracious, forgiving love is crucial to any marriage. If you will, imagine a glass of water half filled with light blue water. Imagine another glass filled with dark blue water. The glass, half filled with light blue water, represents the natural love that a man and a woman have for each other as they prepare for marriage. It normally lasts about three years and then begins to fade. But if you take the glass of dark blue water, representing the love of Christ, and pour it into the glass of light blue water…if you pour the love of Christ into your love for each other, it is forever changed and transformed. The light blue water becomes dark blue water. Pour the love of Christ into the love between a man and a woman and you change both the quality and the quantity of that love. When Christ's love is poured into human love, there is more love, more kindness, more tenderness, more forgiveness, more grace and more commitment. You enlarge the quantity of love. That is the way it is when Christ lives in you. … But the quality of love is also changed. Your love is much more expansive and giving to people around you. The love between a married couple is not confined to themselves and their pursuit of pleasure but is transformed so their marital love begins to serve the world. The indwelling of Christ enlarges and enhances your love and service for each other and the world.

The fifth C stands for Christian community. Nowadays, what is the divorce rate of two people who love each other? Fifty percent. What is the divorce rate of two good people who love each other and believe in Christ? Fifty percent. What is the divorce rate of two good people, who believe in Christ and come to church on Christmas and Easter? Fifty percent. What is the divorce rate of two good people who believe in Christ, worship on Christmas and Easter AND are present 75% of the time in church, receiving the Sacrament of the Altar, the Sacrament of Forgiveness, whose couple friends are primarily in the church? Two percent. Fifty percent to two percent. So what is the difference between those who believe and those who believe AND belong? Why does the divorce rate drop from 50% to 2%? It took me a number of years to understand this and work this out in my mind but I think I now understand it by the use of the following observations. The kind of people who talk with God are the same kind of people who talk with each other. The kind of people who experience the forgiveness of God are the same kind of people who forgive each other. The same kind of people who take time for God are the same kind of people who take time for each other. The same kind of people who make little sacrifices for God (such as two hours of worship on a Sunday) are the same kind of people who make little sacrifices for each other. And that is what marriage is all about: it is making a thousand little sacrifices for each other. And that is what love is: the art of giving a million little gifts and sacrifices to each other.

Those five qualities, those five Cs, make for a five star marriage. These are great marriages in which people like and love each other, raise stable children, still fight and argue still have differences of opinions, still have distinct personalities. Of course, we all know that good Christians get divorces. We all know the pain of those divorces, but the facts are these. If a couple roots their marriage in the love of Christ and the love of a Christian community, they strongly increase the probability of having a great marriage.

You never want to cheat on the foundation of anything which is to last a long time. If you want to build a house to endure, you can cheat on the paint, cheat on the windows, cheat on the trim, cheat on the carpeting, but you can't cheat on the foundation. The taller the building, the stronger and better the foundation needs to be. A fifty story building needs a solid foundation and so does a fifty year marriage. When it comes to marriage, do not cheat on the foundation and that foundation is Jesus Christ, his love and his loving community.

by Glenn Monson

Gospel: Mark 10:2-16

Mark 10:2-16 is a text that has bedeviled people of faith for generations. It seems to portray Jesus as a law giver. Is he? Perhaps a few observations regarding the conversation between Jesus and the Pharisees can give us a hint as to what is really going on here.

1) The Pharisees approach Jesus "to test him"(vs. 2). This reveals that the question they ask Jesus they already know the answer to, and they expect Jesus to say something contrary to the law as they know it, (i.e. they expect Jesus to say that divorce is not lawful when they believe it is);

2) Jesus' question, "What did Moses command you?" is not the question they answered: "Moses allowed a man to write a certificate of divorce." (see Deut. 24:1) Jesus asked what was commanded; the Pharisees told Jesus, in effect, what they could get away with - a big difference;

3) "Being joined" to a wife (vs. 7) means "to be faithfully devoted" to a wife, certainly a status implying care of wife as neighbor, (in faithfulness to the Great Commandment) not simply a legal arrangement.

(The following questions get at some of the issues for Law and Gospel preachers. For a complete look at my thinking in this regard, purchase my guide to Law and Gospel preaching, Afflicting the Comfortable, Comforting the Afflicted, available from amazon.com.)

1. How does the Word function in the text?

Jesus, the Word, is certainly functioning, at first glance, as lawgiver. He is telling us what we may and may not do. He is calling us to repentance for our "hardness of heart." He is calling into question any practice that allows a person in authority to simply dismiss or discard another because they find them "objectionable." (Deut. 24:1)

But this same word, as overheard by the wives of the Pharisees, would have been pure gospel, for it would have revealed to them, "You are beloved of God. You may not be cast aside. You are as treasured in God's eyes as your husbands are." So the audience will determine the function of the Word here.

2. How is the Word not functioning in the text?

Again, it is the audience who will determine the function here. If the audience is the Pharisees and those who identify with them, then there is no word of Gospel here, but only the call to repentance.

If the audience is understood to be the women who overheard this, then this is not a call to repentance but a word of pure Gospel. There is no word of Law here for the vulnerable women who heard this exchange, only good news.

3. With whom are you identifying in the text?

This text is unusual in that we could choose to identify with those who overhear the dialogue, or those involved in it. As usual, we do well to steer clear of identifying with Jesus, so our choices are simply

1) the men (Pharisees and disciples), or

2) the women, who also could be identified as "the little ones" with whom Jesus interacts after this exchange.

It is telling that the disciples are consistent: they understand neither Jesus' concern for vulnerable women, nor his concern for children.

4. What, if any, call to obedience is there in this text?

The command to care for the "little ones" - any who are vulnerable - is clear here.

5. Exegetical Work:

Several brief articles from the Interpreter's Dictionary of the Bible are helpful in understanding this text.

First, the article on divorce (IDB, I, 859) reveals that "something objectionable" (NRSV) in Deut. 24:1 was very loosely defined. Indeed there were two schools of thought as to what this meant: "The Hillel school viewed this as a general term, and the Shammai school took it to mean adultery only." A woman's inability to bear children was a common reason for divorce.

The article on marriage is also instructive (IDB, III, 278f). Note the following: "The husband has the power over his wife...She has rights and freedoms only within the context of this authority... The husband may even revoke a vow that his wife made to God, if he sees fit. (Num 30:10-13)..."

Finally, the article on woman is also revealing: "The father received a bride price for his daughter and thus engaged in a contract with the prospective husband to make her sexuality available to him. This transaction, however, was not a transfer of chattel property. Rather it was the surrender of authority over a woman by one man to another." (IDB, IV, 864f)

All of this reveals why Jesus viewed wives as "the little ones" (i.e. vulnerable ones needing protection). In his law-giving, Jesus was championing the cause of women who would be living in abject poverty, without support, if dismissed by their powerful husbands.

Blessings on your proclamation!

by Steve Godfrey, Church in the World

Gospel: Mark 10:2-16

"Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife?" (Mark 10:2).

When is divorce okay? That was the question on everyone's mind then as it still is today. Jesus' response is that it's the wrong question. The question we should be asking is "What is marriage supposed to be?" In this passage Jesus gives us three answers to this question.

Jesus' first answer is that marriage is supposed to be a reflection of the image of God (v. 6). "But from the beginning of creation, 'God made them male and female' (v. 6)". God designed us so that when a man and woman come together physically, relationally, and spiritually, they reflect the image of God in a way that an individual person can't. Just as God manifests himself as Father, Son, and Spirit, so does the image of God manifest itself as male and female together.

Jesus' second answer is that marriage is supposed to be an experience of profound intimacy (vv. 7-8). "'For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.' So they are no longer two, but one flesh." My wife Heather and I have been married for 27 years now. Our relationship is far from perfect and we work hard at it, but I truly do love her more every day. The joy of knowing and being known is something God wants for each of us.

Jesus third answer is that marriage is supposed to be a permanent bond (v. 9). Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate" (vv. 7-9). Yes, there is an exception for sexual immorality (albeit not mentioned in this passage) but this is not to be the rule.

What our culture says marriage is supposed to be is of course quite different. From the culture's perspective marriage is merely two (and soon maybe more?) loving people having the ability to share property and medical benefits for as long as is mutually agreeable.

by Alan Brehm

Gospel: Mk. 10:2-12

At times, it seems that the whole structure of the family is coming unraveled. The casual attitude with which we approach marriage and divorce is one more example of the way in which we as a people are practicing injustice and thinking we can get away without suffering any consequences. We get married to get divorced, to get remarried to get divorced again, to get remarried again and so on. The attitude seems to be that "if this doesn't work out, I can always get out of it." [2]

I wonder if we don't place more value on the process of buying a house than we do on taking vows of marriage and love. That's probably an overstatement, but I don't think it's too far off. Neither do those who study these trends. Their studies make it clear that our casual attitude toward marriage and divorce has harmed our families, our children, and the whole fabric of our society. [3]

In our Gospel lesson for today, Jesus takes on the casual attitude of the Jewish leaders about divorcing a wife. In that setting, a woman could not divorce her husband. Only the man had the legal right to divorce his wife. They knew that fact very well when they asked the question "is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife?" Notice they asked "is it lawful?", not "is it godly?" or "is it right?" or "is it harmful?" They seemed to approach it as a matter on a par with dividing up the family inheritance. Jesus knew what they were up to, so he had them repeat it for him: "Moses allowed a man to write a certificate of dismissal and to divorce her." [4] In this case, the Law wasn't prescribing divorce, it was trying to protect the woman by making the husband give her some way to be able to remarry. If not, she would have been reduced to a life of begging or worse to support herself.

But Jesus went to the heart of the matter, literally. He knew that their casual attitude toward sending a wife away was one that came from their hard hearts. In other words, it was a selfish act that created suffering for the wife, and they couldn't care less. He confronted them with the fact that "from the beginning" it was not the case. They appealed to legalistic hair-splitting, and he trumped them by going back to the Creator's original intention for marriage. [5] Jesus says that God's intention for marriage was to create one family out of two separate people. It was intended to unite two people in such a way as to make it as if they were one person.

But he goes even further than that. They wanted to talk about the "Law," so he trumped them again. They cited an off-handed stipulation of Moses regarding divorce and remarriage (Deut. 24:1-4), and he appealed to the Ten Commandments! He said that for a man to casually divorce his wife was the equivalent of committing adultery against her! Once again, it was the casual, hard-hearted, selfish attitude that Jesus was addressing. When a man sent his wife away due to selfish reasons, he not only did her irreparable harm, he also violated the Creator's intention for marriage, and thus was guilty of committing adultery.

Divorce is an unfortunate and painful reality in our world. Living in marriage with another human being is anything but easy. These days, both men and women have the "right" to send their spouses away with a "certificate of dismissal." It would be a mistake to think that everyone who divorces does so casually or selfishly, though I think there are a lot of people who do. I've been married twice, and I'm at the end of a second divorce. Although I'm the first person to admit that I'm not easy to live with, If I had my choice I probably would never have been divorced. But I know for a fact that both of the women who divorced me did so after a long and painful process of deliberation. They didn't do it casually, or with a hard-hearted lack of concern for my welfare. It was something they felt they had to do in order to be able to live their lives in peace and happiness. That happens sometimes. After two people have spent a portion of their lives together, it seems better for them to go their separate ways. But it means breaking up a family, and it's painful and tragic.[6]

I don't think Jesus was addressing that situation at all. And I certainly don't think he was branding everyone who remarries after divorce as guilty of perpetual adultery! [7] In fact, I believe Jesus would be sympathetic toward both parties in a divorce that comes at the end of this kind of soul-searching. [8] What Jesus was confronting was the casual, selfish, and hard-hearted way in which many assume the right to send away a spouse with little more than a "don't let the door hit you on the way out"! That kind of approach to divorce essentially abandons all concern for the welfare of the other person and violates anything resembling love, or justice, or compassion. It tears apart the fabric of a family. Like the other issues of justice we've been looking at, any behavior like this that comes from a hard heart undermines the well-being of everyone involved, and it ultimately undermines life for us all.

Jesus makes it very clear—a casual approach to marriage and divorce is not consistent with the way of life that he calls us to follow. He calls us to a life of "doing justly, loving mercy, and walking humbly with God." That means we have to think about how our actions affect others—especially when it comes to our families. He calls us to the decision to "deny yourself, take up your cross, and follow Jesus." That means abandoning the selfish and hard-hearted way of life that so many have adopted. That applies to our marriages as well as to any other relationship. He calls us to be transformed by the love of God, and so live our lives with hearts filled with love for God and love for others. That means living with those who are closest to us, who can sometimes frustrate and madden us, with understanding and love.

Footnotes:

[2] Cf. David Garland, "Biblical View of Marriage," Review and Expositor 427, where he comments that "‘to have and to hold as long as we both shall live' has been changed to ‘as long as my spouse meets my needs and I am fulfilled.'"

[3] Cf. Diana Garland, "Divorce and the Church," Review and Expositor 422, where she says, "Marriage has been redefined by our culture in the past twenty years. It has become an agreement to live in friendship and support and sexual intimacy with the partner; it is no longer defined as the creation of a new family unit."

[4] Cf. Pheme Perkins, "The Gospel of Mark," New Interpreters Bible VIII: 646, where she says that they were trying to get him in trouble with the Herodian rulers, like John the Baptist, over the casual way in which they approached marriage and divorce.

[5] Cf. Pheme Perkins, "The Gospel of Mark," New Interpreters Bible VIII: 645; cf. also Lamar Williamson, Jr., Mark, 180; and A. Y. Collins and H. W. Attridge, Mark, 467-68.

[6] Cf. Williamson, Mark, 178: "A divorce may revoke a legal contract, but one cannot un-live the vital ties created by life together in marriage."

[7] Cf. John Shelby Spong, The Living Commandments, 80, where he recognizes that that the biblical ideal is monogamous marriage, but wants to propose that "there is a very large area between what we could call ideal and what we would call immoral."

[8] Cf. Perkins, "Gospel of Mark," NIB VIII:646: "Christians have not been as adept as was their founder at avoiding the divorce business. Some have created an elaborate legal system for determining when a marriage may be declared void. Others are experimenting with ritualizing divorce. One cannot come away from this Markan story without the sense that Jesus would have declared both approaches attempts to put human traditions in place of God's intention for humanity. A failed marriage represents a human tragedy for everyone involved." Cf. also Diana Garland, "Divorce and the Church," 428.

The Rev. Dr. Janet H. Hunt, Dancing with the Word

Gospel: Mark 10:2-16

When I was a young pastor this was a particularly challenging Gospel to preach. It still is, of course, but close to thirty years ago one was especially aware of the mere handful in our midst who had been divorced. Now, though, I am hard pressed to think of a family which in one way or another has not been touched by this: if not they themselves, then a child, or a sibling, or a parent. Somehow, though, I have to say that doesn't necessarily make it any easier to speak of this.

And yet, having suggested that it is more common today, I do have to wonder. For, in fact, there was a stretch of several years relatively early in my ministry when every couple I married divorced shortly thereafter. Every. Single. One. I started to wonder what I was missing. Most of them are a blur now, but one I do remember distinctly.

The bride to be was a little older than I was. Her fiance was quite a few years older than her. They had both been previously married. She had young children.

I was not yet thirty years old. When I sat down with them the first time, I remember him veritably sneering at me --- asking what it was I could possibly offer them, given my age and inexperience. I shouldn't have agreed to do the wedding, and yet I did. Within a year, they were divorced. I remember not being especially surprised. I remember wishing I had shown more courage those months before.

And yet, I have also had cause to celebrate with couples who have been married fifty and sixty years and more. I have offered blessings at parties and before the altar. I have witnessed devotion deepen and grow through good times and hard times both. And yes, I have to say I have also seen those who choose not to marry build a devoted partnership together.

At the same time, I have seen those, I have known those, who chose not to divorce and who certainly should have --- for the hardness of heart which Moses addressed so long ago had turned to resentment and cruelty --- sometimes dangerously so. And yes, I have known those who have divorced and who really needed to do just that to have any chance at the fullness of life and love God intends for us all.

And so it is that Jesus speaks of divorce in today's Gospel. His words fall hard on our ears for when we hear them the faces of loved ones or yes, our own hard earned experiences pass before our eyes and pierce our hearts. And yet, we certainly know what lies behind the words of Jesus today, perhaps especially if they hit close to home. I have not yet officiated a marriage celebration which was not marked by great hope. Couples bind their hearts, their habits, their finances, their dreams to one another. If they are so blessed they are joined by children who are reflections of them now and who catapult them into the future. Divorce is no simple breaking of a business contract. No, it is a tearing apart of much more than that. And it is so that while there are exceptions, very often children are the ones who suffer the most. For far too often one parent is more absent in every way than what can possibly be life giving for those who are most vulnerable.

Jesus speaks of divorce in today's Gospel. As he does so, it seems to me he reminds us of the preciousness of each and every one of us. That people are not meant to be used but are to be cared for and treasured as though the one we commit ourselves to were as dear to us as though we were actually physically joined to one another. Oh yes, Jesus is saying that the pain reflected in divorce was not and never will be part of God's intent. And yet, of course, normally that pain began long before attorneys were called and settlements and custody agreements were notarized.

Thirty years ago and more the words of Jesus were heard as judgment on those whose lives were reflected in them. And yes, perhaps, too often, those of us whose pain was not so public, were a little quick to judge. Today we may still hear these words as judgment, yes, but not only on those whose hearts and lives have been so broken. Certainly these words fall on all of us as we seek to support those who enter into such tender and fragile bonds with one another. Perhaps we do not do enough teaching, enough modeling, enough praying, enough upholding of each other. Perhaps. Oh yes, perhaps these words are a call to all of us to hold precious those closest to us. Like the little children we all are --- as Jesus urges us to be like in his welcome a few sentences later.