by Debbie McDaniel

Marriage is an amazing gift from God. Yet often, the greatest gifts aren't always cherished the way they should be. Life gets busy. We get hurried and distracted. We start taking each other for granted. We argue and let resentments rise. We compare our own marriages with those around us, longing for happily ever after, instead getting stuck in hurt and regret. We begin to drift apart. And sadly, many times, we start looking for the nearest "exit."

In a society that bases many of its beliefs about marriage on reality TV love stories or the latest Hollywood news, we'd be wise to stay cautious about all it suggests. With divorce rates still around 50 percent, and statistics that say "23 percent of men and 19 percent of women have admitted to cheating on their spouse," are we sure we'd want to listen to its advice?

One thing is certain, there's a battle over marriages today, and the enemy wants nothing more than to destroy them all.

But we don't have to let him win.

God certainly has a better way, He's the One who created marriage. His words provide guidance, wisdom, strength and hope in all that we face, both now and for the future.

10 Lies the World May Tell You About Your Marriage:

1. "If you're not compatible, you may have married the wrong person."

God's truth says that marriage is a covenant relationship. Once you choose to marry, it's no longer up for debate as to whether your spouse is the "right one." Marriage makes them the right one, for it's a commitment before God. It's never to be based on shifting feelings, but a choice every day to love the spouse you've chosen to marry. In a world that often prefers to "trade in for an updated version," this truth doesn't make sense. But according to God's Word it's very clear.

"Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate." Mark 10:9

2. "The grass is greener on the other side."

The truth is, the grass is greener where it's being cared for. Where it's being watered. The lie of our culture will whisper that everyone else has it better, or we missed out somehow. It will draw us to compare and compete, but that is never God's way. He desires that we cherish and love our spouse, just as Christ cares for and loves the church. If we spend more time focusing on what we have, instead of what we think we don't have, we'd be much more grateful for the treasure of His gifts.

"Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her… and the wife must see to it that she respects her husband." Eph. 5:25, 33

3. "If you're not happy, don't stay in an unhappy situation. You deserve more."

For many of us, marriage can tend to bring our selfishness out like nothing else. We want our way. We insist on our rights. We want our spouse to make us happy, and right now! In the midst of demands, we'll never be free to truly love and serve one another. Our focus will tend to be one-sided – our side – and what we want. Yet God's goal for marriage was not just to "make us happy." The truest picture of marriage is that it symbolizes the love of Christ for us. And His desire for us all is that we be made more into the image of Himself.

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs." 1 Cor. 13:4-5

4. "Your spouse should know how to meet all your needs."

Often we marry someone who is completely different than us. It's true, many times, opposites do attract. But that doesn't have to doom us to failure. Marriage is a life-long process of growing together. We don't always get it right. We might even fail miserably. But just as we need grace and forgiveness, we need to extend it. Our spouses cannot read our minds; they may not receive and give love in the same way we do. But neither are we to expect that all of our needs be fulfilled by this one person. No one can take the place that only God holds. He's the only One who can satisfy our deepest needs for love.

"My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever." Ps. 73:26

5. "Divorce is always an easy option."

If we enter into marriage where divorce is an "option," we're already in trouble. Because times will inevitably get difficult, and someone will start looking for a fast way out. The truth is, sadly, divorce happens. But even when it does occur, it's never an "easy option." It strikes a heavy blow to all involved. God's truth reminds us that it doesn't have the final say over our lives. He is our Healer; He gives hope and purpose for the future. No matter the struggles we might be facing, we can make the renewed choice today, that as far as it depends on us, we will not give room to that option.

"For I know the plans I have for you…plans to give you hope and a future." Jer. 29:11

6. "Your kids should come first because they need you more."

This is a subtle lie of our culture that seeks to somehow make us feel like better, more attentive parents, when we cater to every need of our children. But the truth is, what our kids need more is to know that their mom and dad love each other. Our spouse should always have priority in our family. Through a committed, loving relationship, we're better equipped to parent our children – together. This is often hard to live out. Through various stages, kids' needs can seem constant, demanding, pressing. But God will give us wisdom to see what matters most in every busy season, to establish healthy boundaries, and to know when to say "yes," and when to say "no."

"Teach us to number our days that we may gain a heart of wisdom." Ps. 90:12

7. "You may have just fallen out of love."

We don't really "fall" out of love, we may have just stopped making the choice to love. We might find ourselves drifting away. The world's call to simply "follow your heart" is not what God's word teaches. Our hearts cannot always be trusted, because if we're not making wise choices to stay close to Him and to the home front, we may find ourselves not only drifting, but getting caught up in fast moving currents. Prayer and God's word over our marriage is a powerful tool to keep drawing us close together. Even if you find you're the only one praying, God hears, and He is faithful to help us.

"Three things will last forever--faith, hope, and love--and the greatest of these is love." 1 Cor. 13:13

8. "Your marriage is beyond repair. Once trust is broken, it can never be restored."

Many have walked through very difficult seasons of marriage. Some are still healing. Others have come through to the other side by the grace of God. Sometimes the marriage is saved. Sometimes it is not. But it doesn't change this truth – no matter what we face, God does redeem and restore. He is the God of miracles, it's His very nature, and if you find yourself still in the midst of a struggling marriage, cry out to Him for help. He can bring back to life what was dead. The power of God can give hope, a fresh start, the chance for a do-over, and a new beginning.

"With God all things are possible." Matt. 19:26

9. "Innocent flirting or viewing pornography won't really hurt your marriage. Your spouse will never know anyway."

There's no such thing as "innocent" flirting. At the root, it's seeking attention from and giving suggestive attention towards another person who is not your spouse. Run from it. Ask God to help you keep your eyes away from temptation. Pornography is a trap of the enemy and an open door for him to work destruction in your home. Don't let him win this battle. God's word says that He will always provide a way of escape for us, He will never allow us to be tempted beyond what we can handle. Stay close to him, honor him, meditate on what is pure, and choose respect and love for your spouse.

"Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled…" Heb. 13:4

10. "Marriage is a 50/50 relationship."

Marriage takes two people, fully committed, choosing every day, to love and cherish. 50/50 will never be enough to see you through the toughest times. It's only half effort and it seeks to compare what we're doing with the other, always needing to check to see if they're keeping up with expectations. This isn't what God intends. His plan is covenant relationship, centered in Christ, loving through Christ; that is what will carry us through both good times and bad. It will take full effort of 100/100 to have a strong relationship which will thrive over time.

"Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails…" 1 Cor. 13:7-8

Every day, we have the power to choose. May God help us to choose wisely… praying His Word, living a life of love and faithfulness, focusing on what is true.

Know that He is with you, and He fights for your marriage today.

(Note – God never intends for us to remain in a potentially dangerous or abusive relationship. If you find yourself there now, please find help and safety. May God's protection cover you and His Spirit give you peace.)

About The Author:

Debbie McDaniel is a writer, pastor's wife, mom to three amazing kids.

by: Fr. Jaise K. George

The other day, I met a couple after the Sunday worship in the church premises and asked why they are not in a hurry to go back home as usual. They replied, "Our kids are staying back in Sunday school, we feel uneasy at home without them". If this is the situation of the parents who can't stay away from their children for a day, it is worth analyzing the situation of parents who have to live away from their children for a long time.

Compared with their counterparts in developed countries, Indian parents place greater emphasis on their children succeeding in work - published in a report titled "The Value of Education: Learning for Life". Indian parents are willing to spend more to give their child the opportunity to study abroad as they believe students receive a more rounded education and experience abroad.

The feeling of grief and loneliness parents feel when their children leave home is called 'empty nest syndrome'. It is not a clinical condition and is not a term you will find in many medical textbooks, but it has become a useful 'label' for the feelings of sadness and loss, which many individuals experience when their children fly the nest.

After marriage, the couples love each other and feel complete in the presence of each other. They don't prefer to have an 'outsider' when they are together. However, subsequent to their attempt to achieve the completeness, a child is born strengthening their relationship. The child is not an 'outsider' rather the incarnation of their love, becoming an inevitable part of the family. For parents, their kids are always 'small children'. They will continue to take care of them even if the kids are grown up. That is why the great grandmother, in spite of her age-related ailments, is worried about the health of her son who might have grandchildren. Parents who like to have their kids, always with them should understand that their parents also wish the same.

Our church has successfully completed an awareness program for the elderly and palliative care, an exclusive project for the ones left alone in their twilight years. His Holiness Marthoma Paulose Marthoma Paulose II termed it as a "burning issue" and needs to be tackled on an urgent basis and donated his own land for such a project. I would like to share from my pastoral experience, some practical suggestions for caring for aging parents in Kerala for those in the diaspora.

1. Be in love with your Parents

This is the most important responsibility towards your parents. This is possible only when you accept them as they are. They may have conditioning, habits and convictions that we may not agree with. Buckminster Fuller created the "Knowledge Doubling Curve" and his research revealed that human knowledge doubled every century up to around 1900. The end of World War II reduced that time frame for every 25 years. Today, some parts of our knowledge have advanced faster than others and on average, human knowledge is doubling every 13 months. With this rate of change in human knowledge, it is not surprising to see huge gap that builds between our parents and us.

We may have complaints about our parents on their attitude and bias towards our siblings, our lifestyles, religious and world views. We may succeed in substantiating that our parents are wrong. But we should always remember that they are our parents and understand that trying to change our parents' lifetime of thinking is brutal and impossible in one or two conversations. We should love unconditionally and learn to accept them as they are and accept the fact that there is absolutely no replacement for our parents. We can persuade them with love, patience, and empathy. Though they may be wrong with many contemporary matters, ultimately they are responsible for our birth and growth. Usually, it's said, "we can change our friend, we can't change our neighbors". But if we have enough money, we can move and change our neighbors too, but it is impossible to change our parents.

2. Be in touch with your Parents

Communication is a way of expressing our love. It is more relevant when we stay away from our parents. Parents are waiting to hear the sound of their children like Hornbill waiting for rain. We should make every possible effort to talk to them for a moment on a daily basis. This is not to convey some information, but a great opportunity to fill the vacuum in our parents' home with our voice. We should encourage our kids to talk to our parents at least once in a week. Our parents want to listen to the sound of the small babies though they are not able to speak. They are in ecstasy when the grandchildren call them 'appacha, ammachi'. We can make use of the modern technology to facilitate connection. We can train our parents to use Skype, WhatsApp and video calling. Today with smartphones and data connections, it is absolutely easy to connect on a daily basis by sharing our pictures, videos, and moments.

An old lady used to complain about her phone. Every time the personnel from telephone exchange found it worked. Finally, she asked a question, "Then why my children are not calling?"

Our kids can tell the name of the grandfather of Mahatma Gandhi as they learn it as part of history at school. Will they tell the name of their grandparents? I have noticed if somebody asks about their hometown to kids, parents would step in to say with pride "she/he doesn't know it. She/he rarely visits there". Is this actually a matter of pride, we should ask ourselves! We have a system of keeping the name with two initials, the short form of the family name and father's name. Actually, it comprises the full address of that individual giving his identity. For example, K.A. George means George son of Kavunkal Alias. We misunderstand the house number given by the municipality as our address! When we go to Kerala we should find time to visit the older generation, seek blessing at their tomb and make them familiarize to the new generation.

3. It is your responsibility to take care of your Parents

Taking care of one's parents is embedded in our culture. Parents are morally and legally obligated to care for their children when they are young. They provide shelter, food, clothes and above all, all the sacrifices they make on a daily basis. Isn't it fair to ask that when children grow up and their parents become elderly, they take up the responsibility to provide a decent life for their parents? We should consider this as our moral obligation and not be forced as part of our adherence to the recently passed Maintenance and Welfare of Parents and Senior Citizens Act. Today our parents are more financially stable and independent, but that should not stand in our way to our responsibility as their children.

His Holiness Baselios Marthoma Mathews II of blessed memory used to give a dhoti to his father every year, as said in an interview. Holy Father says, "Parents enjoy receiving from their children. Not because they need it. But getting it from their children is something special". Every time when we give something, they share their joy by showing their friends "It's sent by my son". They want to prove that their children are taking care of them. We should give something to our parents from our income on a regular basis. It may vary according to our financial situation and their needs. However, we should give them something even in our financial constraints. We can never repay the debts we have to them. Giving something regularly is the external expression of this gratitude.

4. Respect siblings who take care of your Parents

We cannot define our responsibility towards our parents on the basis of money. Parents need our presence, love and care. Sometimes we are unable to fulfill this in a certain situation. If we are one of those lucky ones who have a sibling who could fill in for us, we should be grateful to them as they are fulfilling their responsibility as a vocation. They do the service when we discharge our job by sending something or showing love and care through phone calls.

It is a difficult job to serve parents in their old age, catering to their particularities and obstinate nature, it is essential that we don't find fault in the care provided. Instead of giving suggestions like, "Give a new bedsheet to ammachi or provide a better blanket to appachen" we should be kind enough to take a few days off our busy schedule and physically give our sibling a break. We may have numerous suggestions in our one week stay with our parents overlooking all the great work our siblings do day in and day out.

It is necessary that we appreciate the efforts and services of our siblings to make sure they stay motivated as their work only gets challenging with time. Always be diligent not to give false promises, suggestions, and guidance. This is not the place to be tactful and smart by saying "If you come with us we could take care of you better". We should realize the fact that we may not have the capability to take care of them for a week. Let us adore our siblings for their wonderful job. They do what we can't do.

We all have reasons to be abroad, however, insubstantial, it may look to others, and there is no excuse for abandoning the care of parents in exchange for a career growth, life aspirations or financial gains. We should realize that as our parents live with the fear of aging without us and the uncertainty of how life will unfold, the mutual emotional support and bonding have no equivalent! Can we all make a commitment that caring for our parents is one of the top priorities in our lives because I can confidently say from the lives of many that the best years of their lives were the years with their parents'.

About The Author:

CSW, a UK-based religious freedom charity, said in the report, Total Denial: Violations of Freedom of Religion or Belief in North Korea, that freedom of religion or belief "is largely non-existent" under dictator Kim Jong-Un's leadership.

"Religious beliefs are seen as a threat to the loyalty demanded by the Supreme Leader, so anyone holding these beliefs is severely persecuted," the report says.

"Christians suffer significantly because of the anti-revolutionary and imperialist labels attached to them by the country's leadership."

Among the documented incidents against Christians are "being hung on a cross over a fire, crushed under a steamroller, herded off bridges and trampled underfoot".

Other crimes include "extra-judicial killing, extermination, enslavement/forced labour, forcible transfer of population, arbitrary imprisonment, torture, persecution, enforced disappearance, rape and sexual violence, and other inhumane acts".

Though the regime officially says there are just 13,000 Christians in North Korea, the true figure is believed to be much higher. Cornerstone Ministries International, which works with North Korean Christians in the country as well as in China, estimates that there are between 200-300,000 in total.

Believers are forced to practice their faith in secret, and if caught, get sent to North Korea's notorious hard labor camps. One escapee told CSW that while he was detained, he met a prisoner who was sent to the camp simply because he had spent a month in China studying the Bible.

"A policy of guilt by association applies, meaning that the relatives of Christians are also detained regardless of whether they share the Christian belief," the report says.

"Even North Koreans who have escaped to China, and who are or become Christians, are often repatriated and subsequently imprisoned in a political prison camp."

Despite intense persecution, there are 121 religious facilities in North Korea, the Database Center for North Korean Human Rights says, including 64 Buddhist temples, 52 Cheondoist temples, three Protestant churches, a Catholic cathedral and a Russian Orthodox church.

All five churches are in the capital, Pyongyang, however, and analysts suggest that they may function primarily to improve North Korea's image with the international community, rather than as free houses of worship.

There are also unconfirmed reports of 500 house churches in North Korea, where individuals whose families were Christians before 1950 – when the Korean War began – are allowed to gather for worship. However, they may not elect leaders or use religious materials.

Christians are not the only religious group to suffer under the regime. Buddhists and Cheonists are also treated as revolutionaries, though the higher number of temples than churches "suggests that the regime may have a higher degree of tolerance for beliefs considered to be indigenous to Asia or to the Korean peninsula," CSW says.

However, research suggests that temples are maintained as cultural heritage sites rather than as functioning religious buildings.

"I have seen a Buddhist book once at a temple," one interviewee told the US Commission on International Religious Freedom. "It had a strap with Chinese letters and months written on it. There are temples but people are not allowed to believe in them."

"These religious facilities, organisations and institutions are designed to indicate the existence of religious pluralism and acceptance, but the reality is full of contradictions," CSW says.

The United Nations Commission of Inquiry and other sources have testified to the "use of these formal facilities, organisations and institutions for political means."

CSW has urged the international community to support the referral of North Korea to the International Criminal Court for its violations of human rights.

"The regime is actively hostile to religion and religious believers, both domestically and internationally. Many North Koreans are suffering because of their faith, and the international community needs to act urgently to end impunity and ensure accountability," it said.

"The UN and other members of the international community must ensure that human rights are central in any negotiations with North Korea... Every effort must be made to seek accountability and justice for the North Korean people, who suffer human rights abuses on a scale unparalleled in the modern world."

by Lisa Pennington

Have you ever wondered if you might be losing your cool too often? How do we know? And what do we do about it?

Cool [kool] not excited; calm; composed; under control

We all have a "friend" with anger issues. She yells at her kids, barks at her husband, she even rakes the store cashier over the coals on a regular basis. We see her and think, "Well, at least I'm not like THAT!" The problem with comparing ourselves to others is it won’t bring out the best in us. We can always find someone who is doing a worse job than we are.

Galatians 6:4 says, "But let each one test his own work, and then his reason to boast will be in himself alone and not in his neighbor."

Besides, everyone loses their cool occasionally; it's human nature. One can't always be the definition of calmness and control. If that were possible, somebody would have discovered it by now. The question isn't if you will you lose your cool, but are you letting it happen too often.

And what is too often? I mean, is it okay to ever lose your cool? Once a day? How about every half hour? Getting annoyed definitely tends to snowball. We get frustrated but it doesn't change anything, so we get more irritated and soon we might as well be making prisoner-like tally marks on the wall to keep up with the number of temper tantrums we are having.

Here are 5 tips that will help you determine if you are losing your cool too often:

1. If you are worried about it, then it might be too often. You know yourself and what is really going on inside. If you are concerned about your loss of self-control and ability to keep calm, then you probably need to deal with it. Instead of wondering what other people are thinking or doing, listen to your own instincts. If you think it's a problem, then it is. Take it to the Lord and look through Scripture for guidance. Make small goals to work toward a healthier attitude.

2. If you have regret, then it might be too often. Do you end your days with regret over how you treated the people you love? I know that's happened to me many times. Regret is a tool you can use for your good. There's no need for guilt. You are forgiven and you can apologize and make changes for tomorrow. When you notice that you are wishing you could go back and respond to someone differently, use that desire to propel you to make some changes.

3. If you wake up feeling anxious, then it might be too often. Those first few moments of waking up can determine the path of the entire day. If we are anxious and frustrated from the beginning, then we are likely to be impatient and grumpy until bedtime. Pay attention to how you think about the day ahead when you wake up. A simple switch from anxiety to gratitude can make an enormous difference!

4. If people hide from you, then it might be too often. Do you notice that people avoid you or aren't really telling you the truth? Maybe it is because of how they think you will respond. I find that my desire to show the other person that I can be trusted will override my instant reaction of being upset. Wanting them to have someone they can trust to listen reasonably often helps me remain collected. Step back and evaluate if you are part of the reason people avoid you.

5. If you don't smile, then it might be too often. Some days I look back at the end of the day and realize I haven't smiled or laughed all day. That's not good! God says laughter is medicine. Studies say smiling actually changes your mood. If you think you can't change the way you feel, try something easier. Step back, take a breath and genuinely smile. It's pretty incredible how much smiling lifts the spirits. Plus it's contagious. You could change the mood of the whole room with your pearly whites.

Calm [kahlm] free from excitement or passion; tranquil

Losing your cool becomes a habit and eventually you find that it's the automatic response when things don't go your way. We don't always have easy control of how something makes us feel, but we do have control over how we act. You have a choice. It's not easy, but you can change it.

You can take back your coolness by paying attention when your instincts tell you it's time to stop. The Holy Spirit gives you a nudge and if you're paying attention, you feel it. Then stop for a second and take a long, slow breath and hold it for a few seconds. As you breathe out, remind yourself of your goal to love others and think of how they are feeling because of how you are treating them.

A Bible verse always helps when I'm on the verge of getting angry. I like to keep verses written in my phone, on notes around the house, framed, anywhere I can think of to keep God's Word right at my fingertips! One of my favorites is James 1:19-20 "Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger; for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God."

While you are working on your temper, be willing to admit that it's your own fault when you lose it. Just because someone makes a mess or does annoying things doesn't mean you have to fly off the handle about it. Think of it as something you can practice and over time get better at. Let yourself off the hook of perfection and embrace the journey!

Collected [kuh-lek-tid] having control of one's faculties; self-possessed:

Once you determine that you are losing your cool too often, you can definitely turn it around. It might take time, but let your loved ones know that you are working on it. Just knowing you are taking responsibility and apologizing will help them to trust you again. A little humility, a touch of gratitude and a lot of prayer can turn you from crazy to calm, cool and collected before you know it.

About The Author:

Lisa Pennington is a homeschooling mother of nine who shares her life – one laundry load at a time – on her blog, The Pennington Point. Pennington is a sought-after speaker at conferences, women's groups, home-school support groups and more. She currently lives in the Texas Hill Country near San Antonio with her husband, James, and their family.