By Susan Eapen, Bangalore
Then the father who took my confession came to my house and my father sent his car. We went to my brother's place and he talked to us. He then arranged to go to Parumala with my brother and wife and his mother-in-law and myself. We went and I sat before the Thirumeni's resting place. I told him, please save my brother and I will give myself to God. I was a fool, but I was desperate. Our Church was dedicated to Parumala Thirumeni and there was a Kurishadi near by. Evenings were the really scary times as my brother would come home drunk from the club. He was unpredictable and dangerous. Her life was in danger. He had no peace in the home from which his parents had gone away and he blamed his wife and her family for many things. I felt so much love for my sister-in-law after the incident about Christ's face. I cannot describe it. She is not a saint but she has guts. In a way, his being unable to forgive her people, gave them power over him, even without their wanting it, or knowing of it. Forgiveness is freedom. I cannot describe those days. I was alone and felt responsible for the safety of my sister-in-law. I would go to the Kurishady every evening and light a lot of candles, one each for my brothers family, our family and the father who was helping us. I would tell Thirumeni, "I am afraid, evening is approaching. The safety of my brother's family is in danger. I cannot go there. Please be there and guard them and pray for them. I am going home, my candles pray while I am away." I came across a shelf of Spiritual Literature in the Public Library at this time. I read and read and every time I had some question, God guided me through a book. My brother was a man despised and feared by his family. In between his wife would leave him and then they would get back together. His daughter was strong and each time, she would be with both. He could not reach us and we could not reach him and we would rather he was not. The next year I came to Bangalore and went to the St. Gregorios Cathedral. It was again the Great Lent. The day of the leper. The choir sang "Oodadunnon rogaarishtan geha brashtan, mithrangal than chaare chellan paadillathon." I started weeping as I saw my brother in the song. He was insensitive to our touches. He was exiled from home and wandering, he was rejected and could not come near his dear ones. I had told him about the cure available with Jesus because He had cured me, but he did not listen with complete surrender. I had often prayed Psalm to Restore us O Lord" I have wondered why God seems to punish, but now I see purpose and mercy in the evil that befell us because it brought all of us, the entire family closer to God. My change affected my husband's family also. My brother and family are living happily now. I know that all that they suffered had a bearing on us too. All of us are responsible for the others.
My Journey by Susan Eapen: Next | Introduction | Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7
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