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by: Margaret Paul, Ph.D.
"You wouldn't worry so much about what others think of you if you realized how
seldom they do." Eleanor Roosevelt
Why should most people be thinking about you? They are far more concerned with
what you are thinking about them to spend time thinking about you!
Right now, take a moment to ponder the question: "How would I feel and what
would I do differently if I never thought about what people think of me?"
I pondered this question many years ago and discovered some things that changed
my life:
* I discovered that I felt anxious whenever I worried about what someone thought
of me, which made it impossible to be myself. As soon as I was concerned about
their judgment or approval, I tried to become what I thought they wanted me to
be to gain their approval. This made me so tense that even if I got their
approval, I still felt bad.
* I discovered that I was drawn to being with judgmental people - people who
were very much like my parents - and I was addicted to trying to get these
judgmental people to approve of me. I saw that this was a dead end - that I had
no control over getting judgmental and rejecting people to be loving and kind,
and I stopped being drawn to these people.
* I discovered that even if I got their approval, it was always short-lived and
I had to keep looking good and performing right to get it again. This was an
exhausting way to live.
* I discovered that no matter how hard I worked on doing things right and being
perfect and never making a mistake or failing, some people liked me and some
didn't. I learned that if I was just myself and gave up being right and perfect,
some people liked me and some didn't. I finally saw that trying so hard to get
love or approval was a complete waste of my time and energy!
* I discovered that I was confusing love and approval. I learned that love is
that which is unconditional and that people either gave it freely or they didn't
and it was not something I could earn or control. I might be able to control
getting some approval, but not love.
* I learned that, while approval felt good for the moment, it never fully filled
me with love for myself, or confidence in myself.
* I discovered that when I gave myself the approval, love and attention that I
was trying so hard to get from others, life became much easier and more fun!
By really paying attention to my feelings and actions, I was able to completely
give up even thinking about what others thought of me. I discovered the truth of
what Terry Cole Whitaker said in the title of her book, "What Others Think Of Me
Is None Of My Business."
It is such a freedom to never think about what others think of me! I am free to
speak my truth, to say yes or no according to what is in my highest good, to
love with my whole heart and soul, to freely offer my gifts and talents, to
trust my own feelings and higher guidance rather than buy into others' beliefs
and opinions, to not be controlled by fear of making a mistake or fear of
others' judgment, to laugh as loud as long as I want as I want, and to cry when
I am hurting or moved.
I am free to love myself and share my love with others with no agenda regarding
how they will feel about me, and this is the greatest joy of all.
See Also:
Circle Of
Life
Every life is a circle. You and I and everyone that is born into this world is a
circle. Our circle belongs to us and no one else. Those who are allowed in
are usually able to see a deeper and intimate side of us. We are the only ones who can give permission as to what or who comes into our
circles. This is very important. Who we date, marry, what kinds of friends we
have, whatever the situation, we allow or invite people into our circles.
I Just Want to be Understood
Sure, I love it when someone hears me and sees me and understands me - but now
it's the icing on the cake, not the cake itself. Now I can listen to others from
my heart and truly see and understand them because I don't need anything from
them.
How Not
To Look Old When You’re Fabulous Over 50
There’s nothing that says we have to settle for our looks and accept our bodies
just because we’re aging. In fact, there’s a whole new you that can be uncovered
with just a few simple changes to your makeup and wardrobe.
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About the Author:
Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is a best-selling author of 8 books, relationship expert, and co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding® process - featured on Oprah. Discover real love and intimacy! Click here for a FREE CD/DVD relationship offer: http://innerbonding.com/relationshipmicro/relationship-micro-1/ and visit our website at http://www.innerbonding.com for more articles and help. Phone Sessions Available.
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