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by: Cheryl Gowin
The divorce rate stands at 50%, effecting more than 1 million children in the US
each year. The counselors at Discovery Counseling note a cultural change in the
attitude toward divorce, and the factors effecting children involved in a
divorce.
Child development patterns and developmental theories, while helpful in
counseling, must be viewed within the changing circumstances of society. For
example, Freud first published his theories in the early 1900’s when divorce was
not viewed as a socially acceptable option and the number of children dealing
with blended families was relatively small.
The acceptability of divorce has changed dramatically over the last 30 years. In
the early sixties, divorce, step families, remarriage were not terms that were
widely heard. Today nearly half of all babies born today will spend some time in
a one-parent family. Society’s change in attitude regarding divorce can be seen
in TV programs. Families in the 50’s were represented by shows such as Ozzie and
Harriet; Leave it to Beaver and Father Knows Best. These programs presented a
view of families, which consisted of a middle class two parent, mother stays at
home and the father is the sole financial provider family. Today’s programs
today range from Murphy Brown in the 90’s, a single working woman who had a
child out of wedlock to Reba a divorced mother dealing with child visitation and
step family member issues.
A new term is being used in the literature to describe today’s family unit;
binuclear or blended family as opposed to the nuclear family. A binuclear or
blended family is any family that spans two households. The major difference
between the nuclear family and the binuclear family is the potential complexity
of extended family relationships; children dealing with step-parents, step-
siblings, being shuttled between two homes, holidays being split between two
family traditions.
A blended family introduces a number of issues including family system
disruption, reduced resources, step family member conflict and the parental
conflict.
The financial resources of a family involved in a divorce may change
dramatically after a divorce. Today more wives are working, but in most cases
their earnings are quite a bit less than their husbands. The custodial parent is
most often the mother when families with children dissolve. These single-parent
families face a dramatic drop in income within the early years of the divorce.
Even with child support most single-parent households that are headed by the
mother are considered low income and live near or below the poverty line.
Divorce couples must also face changes in credit. The individual in the
relationship who was not the primary “breadwinner” can find it difficult to
establish credit in his or her own name. Of those individuals who had credit,
most experienced lowered credit limits, cancellations of credit, and increased
pressure from companies to pay off the outstanding debts.
For kids of divorce, adapting to a life of low income has a great impact on
their lives. Financial constraints have been shown to cause the major caregiver
parent to return to work, to increase the number of work hours, to take on a
second job, or to attend night school to improve his/her job skills. Thus, the
parent becomes less available to the child physically and emotionally because
the parent is away from the home most of the day. When the parent is home,
he/she has little time and energy left to give the adequate attention to the
child. For the child, less income also means a loss in the opportunity to
participate in activities like lessons, sports, summer camps, movies, and other
special interests.
The divorce itself is usually preceded by parental conflict, followed by
separation that often leads to internalizing and externalizing behavior
problems. Care must be taken to insure that children are not included in the
parental conflict. This lack of separation of children and conflict may be the
reason why studies have shown that divorce can benefit children whose parents
had a high degree of conflict.
All three factors affect children of divorce; the disruption of the family, the
change in financial resources and the parental conflict involved in the family
system during the divorce.
8
Basic Types of Child Custody
Several child custody options are established in a family court. It is important
for a parent to know their difference, as well as the every type of custody to
fully practice their parenting right during a trial in a family court.
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About the Author:
Cheryl Gowin is a counselor at
Discovery Counseling, a center offering marriage, family and individual
counseling.
contact@discoverycounseling.org
www.discoverycounseling.org
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