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"As they followed they were afraid" - Mark 10:32
At the beginning of our life with Jesus Christ, we were sure we knew all there
was to know about following Him. It was a delight to forsake everything else and
to throw ourselves before Him in a fearless statement of love. But now we are
not quite so sure. Jesus is far ahead of us and is beginning to seem different
and unfamiliar— "Jesus was going before them; and they were amazed" (Mark 10:32
).
There is an aspect of Jesus that chills even a disciple’s heart to its depth and
makes his entire spiritual life gasp for air. This unusual Person with His face
set "like a flint" (Isaiah 50:7 ) is walking with great determination ahead of
me, and He strikes terror right through me. He no longer seems to be my
Counselor and Friend and has a point of view about which I know nothing. All I
can do is stand and stare at Him in amazement. At first I was confident that I
understood Him, but now I am not so sure. I begin to realize that there is a
distance between Jesus and me and I can no longer be intimate with Him. I have
no idea where He is going, and the goal has become strangely distant.
Jesus Christ had to understand fully every sin and sorrow that human beings
could experience, and that is what makes Him seem unfamiliar. When we see this
aspect of Him, we realize we really don’t know Him. We don’t recognize even one
characteristic of His life, and we don’t know how to begin to follow Him. He is
far ahead of us, a Leader who seems totally unfamiliar, and we have no
friendship with Him.
The discipline of dismay is an essential lesson which a disciple must learn. The
danger is that we tend to look back on our times of obedience and on our past
sacrifices to God in an effort to keep our enthusiasm for Him strong (see Isaiah
1:10-11 ). But when the darkness of dismay comes, endure until it is over,
because out of it will come the ability to follow Jesus truly, which brings
inexpressibly wonderful joy.
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